||Need someone's opinion...
||~bribri (Authenticated as lil_bri_11)
||November 26, 2011 at 4:44:42 PM
Alright, here I go. I have had this idea in my head for a long time and everytime I start my story, I erase it all because I don't like it. Now, I'm going to ask for someone's opinion on the beginning.
Warning- If you don't like teen fantasy, you probably won't like it, but I mostly want to know: does this draw you in or is it boring? I personally think it's a little boring, which is probably why I want to start over or at least cut out the whole emotional father part.
However, this time I'm going to ask people who might know and will definitely tell the truth.
So, here it is...
“You know who she is…from the East Texas pack…R.J.’s daughter…everyone…gone…can’t believe…survived…but Dad…”
One moment she was in the drifting stage, just about to wake up and listening to bits and pieces of someone’s conversation, and the next she was stuck in a nightmare, replaying the fire over and over again.
This time she was running, but she couldn’t get away from the acrid smell of smoke and burning flesh and trees. It had happened so quickly. The West Texas pack had invaded from the north and immediately after the fire began, trapping both West and East members, encircling almost the entire camp, engulfing log cabins and people…
She ran and ran and didn’t look back, just as her father had told her to do. The father she had always listened to and obeyed. The father who’d been famous for his quiet, but lasting demeanor. The father who’d tell her inspirational words in the most random times and warning her not to forget because they’d be handy one day.
If she grew old and wrinkled and couldn’t remember a day in her life, couldn’t remember where’d she’d come from, what her father had looked liked, acted like, who she herself was, she knew she would never forget her dad’s last, parting words…“Rowan, don't look back, always look forward, and whatever you do, always make it count because it might be the last thing ever do.”
“Dad. Dad! No. Dad!”
She woke up with a start and realized her arms were being held down. People were holding her arms down. She struggled. They told her not to struggle, but she wouldn’t listen to them. They’d gotten her. The enemy would win after all…
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- Need someone's opinion... - ~bribri Nov 26 2011, 4:44:42 PM