| Subject: |
Re: Need someone's opinion... |
| Author: |
Billina (Authenticated as Billina) |
| Date: |
November 26, 2011 at 6:32:38 PM |
| Reply to: |
Need someone's opinion... by ~bribri |
I think it sounds like a good story, and that you have potential. I would change the opening sentence, though. It didn't really grab me. Also, the word "dad" is written too many times- I would take some of those out.
Other than that, it's pretty good. I'm not quite sure what the West Texas pack is, but I'm interested to learn more about Rowan and what's going on. :)
"An intellectual says a simple thing in a hard way. An artist says a hard thing in a simple way."
-Charles Bukowski
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