||Re: Is this horrible?
||Parfaitcheri (Authenticated as sarinvae)
||December 3, 2011 at 8:42:32 PM
||Re: Is this horrible? by Etoile
Ya that's pretty much how I felt.
This is actually the second draft of an even worse version that was just... I swear my seven year old brother could have written it better.
I felt like such a beginner writer even writing this. Sitting there on thesaurus.com like 'oh that word sounds good!'
Also my English training is severly lacking as I missed out on that year due to moving schools and they taught all this grammar stuff in the grade below the one I moved in, in my new school. So I'm maily self taught and thus have no idea what passive voice is. I also usually have someone check over my grammar for me because it isn't the best, but I didn't this time cause I was lazy.
But basically I agree with what you're saying, especially on the wordy/awkwardly worded parts. I'm tempted to just throw the character's name in there or give him some sort of description even though I really don't want to, just to make it easier to read.
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