You're trying a bit too hard for the "dreamy" feeling. Dream sequences don't have to be full of purple prose like this one is. Go for simpler wording, because you have twice the amount of words that you really need to get the point across. If you stil want to convey the dream-like qualities of this scene, include a couple details that indicate that the character is in some sort of dreamland. Maybe something that couldn't happen in real life, like flying.
~ Amalia
"We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly embracing each another." ~ Luciano De Crescenzo
Please vote on my PNL!
http://www.behindthename.com/pnl/91617
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