||Re: critique, anybody?
||Pyrrhus Emery Coal (Authenticated as Pyrrhus Emery Coal)
||December 30, 2011 at 6:58:37 PM
||critique, anybody? by weloveyoujamesarness
I think it's pretty good. I like the third person perspective. I see what you mean about it seeming confusing between the Creeper of 15D and the MC (which you could just call him Ginger, since the neighbor likes to point that out)
I only thing I didn't like was when you said ["Ooh," said the creeper, "Spandex."] I would have said it like "Ooh, I like spandex." the creepy neighbor said with a grin.
Hope this helps, weloveyoujamesarness.
|Because this message is archived you cannot respond to it.|