View Message

I agree with the others, basically. The characters and situation are very unrealistic. Girls getting caught up in an abusive relationship could be an awesome topic, but it's difficult to believe these two just put up with being randomly assaulted, especially as the narrator apparently knows the boys are "sick monsters", and react so lightly. Plus, don't they have parents who are going to see their daughters are covered with bruises?

I think you really need to focus on your characters and their motivations, and what you want to portray in this story.

 Post a Response  

Post a Response...
Name
Subject
Message
Link Names	(this will create hyperlinks from capitalized names in your message to names that exist in the database)
Verify	← (retype the three letters; this is used to reduce automated spam)

• How does this sound? - Alison  Sep 25 2012, 1:10:08 PM
  • Re: How does this sound? - JessaRose  Oct 16 2012, 4:26:33 AM
  • Re: How does this sound? - hk00468  Sep 28 2012, 8:05:57 PM
  • Thanks, guys. Really. - Alison  Sep 27 2012, 1:31:04 PM
    • Re: Thanks, guys. Really. - Ludwig  Sep 27 2012, 4:44:15 PM
    • Re: Thanks, guys. Really. - Billina  Sep 27 2012, 3:04:55 PM
    • Re: Thanks, guys. Really. - Amphelise  Sep 27 2012, 2:06:22 PM
    • Re: Thanks, guys. Really. - Fiammetta  Sep 27 2012, 1:50:41 PM
      • Re: Thanks, guys. Really. - Alison  Sep 27 2012, 2:10:25 PM
  • Re: How does this sound? - Fiammetta  Sep 26 2012, 2:56:13 AM
  • Re: How does this sound? - Billina  Sep 25 2012, 4:38:55 PM
    • Re: How does this sound? - klundtacular  Sep 25 2012, 8:07:26 PM
  • what am I missing? - RoxStar  Sep 25 2012, 2:53:08 PM
    • Re: what am I missing? - Alison  Sep 25 2012, 3:05:33 PM