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Subject: Re: How does this sound?
Author: JessaRose   (Authenticated as dancingintherain)
Date: October 16, 2012 at 4:26:33 AM
Reply to: How does this sound? by Alison
Firstly, I'd just like to say that I found it easy to read in the sense of grammar and spelling and all that. You write well. I have to be honest though, I was very confused. I understand that when you write something, you don't want to be saying everything*... but at the same time its also important to have some sort of setting... I like to think, after reading this, that is set in a world where there isn't a lot of female empowerment, like men have taken control... and possibly due to the whole idea of people knowing when you're lying, that perhaps people have developed some kind of power... is this what you were going for? Do you plan for your characters to overcome these difficulties? Its important to know what direction you wish to take it... With some work and some planning this scene could be extremely good. Keep writing!

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