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Subject: An attempt of a prologue & first chapter. + Other scenes in the 'story'
Author: JessaRose   (Authenticated as dancingintherain)
Date: October 16, 2012 at 5:04:41 AM
The first chapter isn't quite complete, this is project I began about eighteen months ago but due to the demands of VCE, suffering from Writer's Block, and other ideas surfacing in my head I haven't really gone back to it. I tried to work out if I'd posted this before, from what I could tell, I haven't, although I have mentioned the general idea. I really would love for people to tell me what they think, I normally don't write in third person (hence the switch to first for the first chapter set in present day) and I even tried writing the prologue in first, but found the third more effective...

The first light of day was just breaking the horizon as the hooded figure made her way through the village. The only sounds that could be heard were the slight stirrings of the waking animals and the soft pat as the girl’s feet hit the ground. The girl, who was barely eighteen, was named Sylvia. She walked slowly, not because she was confused as to where she was going; she knew the paths of this place like the back of her hand; but instead she was letting her eyes wonder, soaking in the scenery and mentally recording the images of the home and past she was leaving behind.

The girl halted at the gates of the town’s cemetery; she would not leave without first saying goodbye to her mother. She sucked in a deep breath before putting her hand on the gate and pushing it open. The cemetery, despite the constant reminder of death, was quite peaceful and in fact very beautiful. It was well looked after, and was scattered with flowers and willow trees. The upper left area of the cemetery grounds was reserved for seating. There were areas reserved for graves as well as buildings for those who had chosen to be cremated. Sylvia made her away along the pebbled path to the far left of the cemetery grounds. Her pace quickened as the tree her mother was buried near came closer into her line of vision – she needed to get this over with. Sylvia had not visited her mother’s grave since the burial three years before. Lillian had been ill since the birth of her youngest child, Sylvia’s brother Marcus, but that had been fourteen years ago, and in that time Lillian would get better before falling ill again, repeated like a vicious cycle. The problem increased after the disappearance of her eldest daughter, Astrid. It had taken years for her suffering to end, and no one had been able to work out the cause of her illness. At the start, Sylvia’s avoidance of her mother’s grave had been because she was not ready to accept the death of another family member, soon it would become a combination of this and her schooling, and then it was just plain avoidance for no reason. Sylvia regretted this deeply.
Soon Sylvia found herself at her mother’s grave. She sat down beside it.
“Hello mother… I’m sorry I avoided you for so long,” Sylvia looked down, attempting to collect her thoughts. “It was hard… first Astrid, then I lost you, it took a lot for me to accept it,” Sylvia looked to the right of Lillian’s tombstone. Lying there was a memorial plaque in honour of Astrid, Sylvia’s older sister, who they believed had died, despite the fact her body had never been found.
“And then school got so busy… did you ever go to Sweden for your last year? It’s beautiful there, especially when it snows.” Sylvia tried to distract herself. She then sat in silence, staring off at the horizon; the sunlight was beginning to filter along the land more brightly, as it had risen higher.
I’m leaving today; I’m eighteen so father can’t stop me, if he even bothered to try. I know you wanted me to leave, like Astrid.” She thought for a moment.
“I don't think I've ever wanted to leave more than I do now, father’s engagement with Evangeline disturbs me… I want him to be happy, but how can he be so with a woman that is so much younger than him?” Rupert, in his desperation for his children to have a mother figure in their lives hadn't actually thought to ask for his children’s opinion on his choice in a relationship. Evangeline was bearable, even nice, but she was not Sylvia’s mother and it irked Sylvia when Evangeline had tried so hard to take that place.
After making a decision, Sylvia then stood up, stretching even though the heavy bag on her back was making it hard.
“Goodbye mother, I hope I shall see you again soon.” Sylvia really didn't have intentions to return to home, but she might, to visit her mother’s grave and see her younger brother. Sylvia turned and made her way back along the path she had come down. She was ready to leave the valley that was named Einare. She was not sure where the path would take her; she had ideas of places to go from the letters from her sister, but nothing in this life is final.
Sylvia closed the gate of the cemetery behind her, giving one long, last glance behind her before making her way along the path to her new life.
Chapter One - Two Years Later
The diner had begun to fill as soon as the lunch break had started, and now at halfway through, it was almost at full capacity. Loretta’s, a funky little sixties inspired restaurant, was tucked in an alleyway surrounded by tall buildings in the west of Melbourne’s Central Business District. It always grew busy at this time but was often quiet before and after. Personally I liked it better when it was quiet, I am not much of a people person, but at least it was a job that paid well and I was fortunate enough to have nice coworkers. Speaking of nice coworkers Ashley, who is probably the nicest person I have ever met, was heading towards the counter I was standing behind.
“We’re almost full, and I’m starting to get pooped.” She blew a thick strand of dark hair off her face. Ashley was a very bubbly, warm person. She was twenty one, but at times still acted with the innocence and pure energy of a child. Not saying she was immature, because when it came to serious situations, Ashley was one of the most mature and level headed people I knew. She just preferred to live the majority of her life in fun. She also liked and was very good with people, so working as a waitress at Loretta’s was a good job for her, as she would stop and converse with the customers when it wasn’t too busy. When customers were comfortable they tended to stay longer, buy more food and drinks, and often left fantastic tips.
“Well at least being busy keeps you warm!” Loretta’s uniform consisted only of a pale green t-shirt tucked into a high waisted black skirt that came to just above the knees and white sneakers. It was fine if you were a busy waitress rushing to pass people their food, but if you were standing behind a counter waiting for people to pay, you started to get very cold very quickly.
“Good point you have their, well we finish our shift soon and then we can go home and enjoy the heater.” She then headed over to collect a plate of food.
A sudden noise attracted my attention. Turning my head to the noise, I noticed a girl who looked a few years older than me standing awkwardly in front of the entrance door. She appeared to be taking in her surroundings, making sure the door she had opened had brought her into a café and not a lion’s den. Well, that is how she looked to me. The girl, or more correctly woman, was relatively short; she was thin in a naturally petite way and had a small face with short dark hair that fell to just below her chin. Her face held a worried expression, which was what had made me think of her being afraid that she’d walked into a lion’s den. I was the only one to notice her though, everyone else was eating food or sharing mindless gossip, or in the waitresses case delivering the food and ignoring the things that they heard. I waved for her attention and when she saw me her expression changed from worry to relief. She made her way to where I was standing behind the counter, carefully avoiding tables and people, yet still taking in everything she saw.
“How can I help you?” I asked with a smile on my face when she arrived at the counter.
“Well, I noticed you had a poster in the window, asking for applications, so I was wondering if I could hand in my resume.” I noticed a document in her hand that I assumed was her resume. One of the other waitresses announced her pregnancy a few weeks ago, and the boss, Amanda, had decided to employ someone else early in so that they could be fully trained in time for her to go on maternity leave. The girl standing before me has been the first one to apply in the whole time the poster had been up.

And that's pretty much where I'd left it at that point... Here is another scene I initially wanted in the overall story/series

I tried to fight back but Alexei was a vampire with extreme strength and had over a thousand years experience. I was slammed against one of the walls, and I literally felt parts of me shatter on impact. I crumpled to the floor, and as I lay there, I thought was this how it was going to end? When I felt Alexei come to kneel beside me, I half expected his sharp fangs to pierce the skin of my neck. The sensation never came though, and I tried to look at him, but it hurt.
“Your sister would not be impressed if I drank you dry… or turned you,” He’d leant down, right next to my ear. There was a tone to his voice that implied that he really wanted to do either of those things.
“My sister is dead; one of your kind killed her,” I gasped out, choking on my blood as I did so. The vampire chuckled, a quiet one to himself.
Astrid is not dead, Sylvia.” He grinned more widely, “She is… undead.”
“No!” Had this been a Hollywood horror, this would be the scene where the evil villain breaks out in evil laughter, but instead this is real life, and all Alexei did was brag some more.
“Five years ago, I came across young Astrid Carlisle… she was, and still is a very enticing young woman. I watched her, made myself known to her, and convinced her I was a good vampire. And eventually I had my way. Astrid is now my queen.” He seemed lost in his own thoughts, just I was beginning to lose myself in my own, but I wasn’t done. Not just yet.
“That’s bulls**t!” I tried to kick out at him, anything to cause harm, but I couldn’t move and this time he did break out into laughter. My weak attempts were amusing to him. All of a sudden the laughter was cut short. Marcus or Nathaniel must have finished with the vampires that had attacked them. I tried to pay attention to the words exchanged but it was becoming foggier and foggier, the darkness was creeping in and I felt completely numb.
Sylvia, please open your eyes, Sylvie!” I couldn’t even tell if it was Marcus or Nathaniel calling my name. I tried to open my eyes, and I’d just managed. I found myself staring up at Nathaniel’s golden brown eyes. I smiled at him, although it was rather weak. I closed my eyes and let myself submit to the darkness.

When I opened my eyes, I found myself surrounded by whiteness. I’d heard a lot of things about death and the afterlife. Just to let you know, my life hasn’t flashed before my eyes, at least, not yet. I’d expected to be in darkness, or possibly even in the fiery pits of hell. Instead I was faced with this intense white light. Did this mean I was in heaven? There were no walls, no ceiling or floors, it was just white, and I was beginning to feel claustrophobic. Where are the pearly gates?
I started to get up, maybe find a way out of here, when she appeared. She looked to be in her mid-thirties and had dark blonde hair. She was wearing a royal blue dress that seemed to match her eyes; a dark contrast to the white we were surrounded in.
“Who are you?” I spoke first. She smiled.
“Hello Sylvia,” She spoke with an accent, I think it was French.
“Uh… how do you know my name?”
“I’ve been watching you since you were born, as I have with all my descendents.” I frowned.
“What?” I admit that this isn’t the most intelligent of responses, but I wasn’t exactly thinking straight.
“You know who I am, if you really think about it.” I was having trouble, but after a few seconds it became clear.
“Miss Delacroix?” I guessed. She chuckled.
“Please, call me Ludivine.” Of all the people to greet me when I died, I was greeted by Ludivine. Not that I wasn’t appreciative, Ludivine Delacroix was an important person in both my family history, and the history of Ezra. It was just that shouldn’t it of been someone I knew, like my mother? I was about to voice this opinion when the spirit spoke again.
Lillian wanted to greet you, but I wanted to do it myself. Sylvia, it is not your time to die, and I am here to show you that.”
“Well, it’s a bit late now, I’m kind of dead?” In times of great desperation, sarcasm is perfectly acceptable. Even if the person you’re doing it to is the infamous French psychic who saved your home village from mass destruction five hundred years ago.
“Not really, your soul is hanging in the in-between, and at this point you could really go either way, but your friend is really making an effort to heal your body, and wouldn’t you just hate to see all that power go to waste?” I looked at her, dumbfounded. Not only by the implications that she had made about Nathaniel but also by the tone in her voice; for someone who was from the Fifteenth Century, she sure knew how to be sarcastic.
“Excuse me?”
“There is not much time,” She shook her head, “I’ve been waiting for someone like you to come up in the line.” She then grabbed my hand.
“There is a change coming Sylvia, we can all see it. The world as you know it will end, vampires and the like will take advantage of the human weakness and it will be like old times again, Sylvia you must do what you can to help humanity!”
“I’m nothing special, what could I possibly do?” I was beginning to feel a tingling sensation, starting at my hands.
“There is something special in you. Living through the effects of being like myself when I was alive, and watching my daughter go insane with the abilities, I stripped it from my grandchildren and disallowed it to continue in the following generations. Now I am simply unlocking it for you. It isn’t a lot of power, but it will provide you with some protection in this world.” The sensation had made its way around my body; I could feel it in my head and in my chest.
“The feeling will disappear soon, and if you have any trouble, Wilhelmina will be helpful to your situation. Now you must return to the living world.” Her voice was becoming softer, and she was fading into the white light. I tried to speak, but couldn’t.
“Be wise Sylvia, you have escaped death this time, but only just. Life is too short, my dear one.” The darkness returned.
I opened my eyes, and again I saw Nathaniel, next to him were Marcus and Sophia. I watched as their expressions changed from worry to relief. I pinched myself, and it didn’t tickle.
“I’m alive?”
“Yes, and I think you have Anthony to thank for that, he… healed you.” Marcus started, with his voice trailing off in disbelief. Anthony sat there; he was looking from his hands to me and back to his hands again, with wonderment written all over his face. He looked up at me.
“I don’t know what it was… it just came over me.” He then went back to looking at his hands. I attempted to sit up; it was a painfully slow process. I could feel that I’d been healed to an extent. I didn’t have the urge to cough up my insides, but my body still felt bruised.
“I don’t care what it was, you saved me.” I said, after I’d finally gotten myself to kneel in front of him. He looked up from his hands, looking into my eyes, and then my lips. A thought seemed to cross his mind, you could see it in his eyes, but he shook his head, as if he’d thought better of it. I looked away as Marcus made a coughing noise.
“Not that I’m not glad you’re alive and all Sylvie, but I think we need to focus on getting out of here. We’re not sure how much you’re healed, and Sophia needs to be checked out to. We’ve got to figure out how to get out of here without losing our blood.”
“What happened to Alexei?” I had to ask.
“He took off, said we weren’t worth it and that he was going to leave us to figure out own way out, if we could. Not that we can really trust him.” This came from Nathaniel.
“He’ll keep his word, at least in regards to Marcus and me. He’s afraid of…” I trailed off, unsure of how to tell Marcus what Sorin had told me.
“What?” Marcus perked up when I mentioned his name.
Marcus, apparently Astrid didn’t die.” Marcus was always good at reading between the lines. He didn’t have to ask what had happened to her instead.
“So she’s got fangs.” He simplified, and I nodded. “Well she’s as good as dead to me!” He snapped.
“What, she was probably responsible for this!” He said, whilst pointing to Sophia’s bruised body. He did have a point, but he hadn’t been as close to Astrid as I had.
“I know, let’s just focus on getting out of here, okay?” We stood up; sitting in the middle of a building wasn’t going to get us any closer to freedom.


the idea behind it not just the whole vampire thing, but fantasy sci-fi all up, with Sylvia being from a race or group of people who's sole task is to keep the balance between the supernatural and mortal world, and she tries to escape it but is sucked back in and has to deal with it... I'm afraid this scene was too much though...

*EDITED due to name inaccuracy, and making the decision to 'bleep' a word... I forgot about the slight curse word and wasn't sure if it was allowed...

This message was edited by the author on October 16, 2012 at 5:10:49 AM

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