View Message

Subject: Part of a Prologue/First Chapter
Author: JessaRose   (Authenticated as dancingintherain)
Date: November 19, 2012 at 12:45:47 AM
So I've been working on a science fiction/fantasy 'novel' idea, for NaNoWriMo (I know I'm not going to make the 50,000 though, due to exams, so it's going to be a summer project)... Here I have the prologue/first chapter... I'm not which place it will be best suited to. Its set fifteen years in the past from the main story, and told in the third person, where as the rest of the story would be set in 2019, on a distant planet and told for the most part in first person. It captures a moment that will effect the current 'story'. Its half written at the moment, warning some 'bleeped' words.

The sky had just begun its descent into nightfall as a young man was preparing to leave the city of Apodis. He nervously paced the rooftop of a tall building owned by his family, stopping only occasionally to observe the city skyline as its backdrop changed from a cool blue to the warm shades of orange and pink as the sun set. His mother watched him with a worried expression on her face; she wished that the pilot would quickly finish his safety checks on the flying machine, so they could leave. She hated seeing her son this way, hated seeing her baby so upset. The young man, after a prolonged period of staring at the sky, returned to furiously pacing the width of the rooftop. The woman stood up to intervene, stopping him in his tracks as she put her hands on his shoulders.

“You need to relax, my child, everything is going to be alright.” She looked into his eyes, which were just as open to her as her husband’s.

“What if it isn’t alright?” The young man snapped while pulling himself away from his mothers grasp. “What if something happens to her? What if I’m too late and I can’t help her? What if it isn’t okay? Dammit I should have been there months ago, but no, father –”

“Your father has been a very busy man with the election, and he needed to support of his family.” His mother interrupted him, trying to get him to understand. The words only angered her son more.

“That’s b*******, he never needed my support, never wanted it. I needed his support, I need his support now!” He snapped, more explosively. His mother went to respond, but the young man stopped her. “The only reason he never let me go was because he knew that it would increase the chances of people finding out that his son had slept with an ‘Antarae .....’. He doesn’t care about his family, just his reputation, and he sure as hell never cared about me.” The young man can remember the look of disappointment on his father’s face, when he told him that he’d been sleeping with the maid, an alien, and that she was now pregnant. Even further ingrained was the change to absolute disgust when he revealed that it wasn’t just an affair, he’d genuinely fallen in love with the forbidden fruit.

“I know that is sometimes appears that your father is single minded, but he does care. It’s just never been in his personality to show it, and I know that you need him. You have me, and I’m telling you that you don’t need to worry. Your father will get over it, he has now won the election and his reputation is still intact. He has no excuse to hold it to, and neither does your brother.” Her son remained silent. “And as for Alea, those Antarae woman are strong, she is going to be okay. Everything is going to be all right.” She tried to comfort him, even though she knew it was pointless. Although her son, with his blonde hair and pale complexion, bore no physical resemblance to her, the similarities in their personalities were uncanny. While her elder son had inherited her husband’s arrogance and political mind, her youngest had received her open and creative mind, the ability to see the beauty in life and the tendency to worry about everyone and everything.

The young man sighed, allowing himself to relax. Suddenly the pilot came out and announced that all the checks were finished, and that they could leave as soon as they were ready. The young man and his mother bordered the comfortably sized aircraft in silence.

“Now I am just confirming that our destination is Alponia Village?” The pilot called out.

“Yes, that is exactly where we are heading, towards the Northern part of it.” The woman answered loudly. The village was to the north of Apodis, but not very far, and the trip would not even take an hour. The two people spent the most of the trip in silence, it seemed they had nothing left to say. The young man sat in deep thought, while his mother stared at the rooftop, unsure of how else to support her son. The young man took a deep breath, drawing his mother’s attention to him.

“Mother... I know that it isn’t easy to accept, and probably hard to believe, but I love Alea, with everything. She has treated me more humanely than anyone else, aside from you; she is the most beautiful person I know both inside and out.” His mother looked at him softly.

“I know that you do, I can see it in your eyes, and I really want you to be happy, and I wish it could be with Alea. Every mother envisions a perfect life for their children, for love to be easy and happy. Unfortunately in this world it isn’t possible, love is just an idealistic value, and marriage is a ceremony of power.” She thought about her own marriage, and how if it hadn’t been for her children, she’d have left her husband by now.

“It shouldn’t have to be this way; the war occurred almost two hundred year ago. Why must the generation of today suffer for it?” The Antarae had made a mistake, abducting humans and experimenting on them to use them in the war, but the humans never had to endure the torture that the Antarae do in the present moment.

“I know that it shouldn’t, and I believe we need to forgive. It is unfair, but unfortunately we cannot change it.” The two left it at that.

“We will be arriving at Alponia Village in about five minutes.” The pilot interrupted the silence with his announcement. The young man started to feel anxious.

There's a lot more to go on it, but I was wondering if I could receive some critique...

 Post a Response

Messages in this thread: