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She's not very likable, with her obvious contempt for her dad. The premise could work well, but I think this could do with some redrafting.

My cooking experiment: http://lagerusalemmecucinata.blogspot.ch/

~formerly known as Murasaki~

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• Does this sound too whiny? - Julia Elisabeth  Jan 6 2013, 6:54:41 AM
  • Re: Does this sound too whiny? - JessaRose  Jan 12 2013, 5:31:47 AM
    • Re: Does this sound too whiny? - Julia Elisabeth  Jan 12 2013, 7:43:25 AM
      • Re: Does this sound too whiny? - JessaRose  Jan 13 2013, 5:29:58 AM
  • Re: Does this sound too whiny? - Ottilie  Jan 10 2013, 1:58:53 PM
    • Re: Does this sound too whiny? - Julia Elisabeth  Jan 12 2013, 3:48:39 AM
      • Re: Does this sound too whiny? - Ottilie  Jan 12 2013, 8:16:00 AM
        • Re: Does this sound too whiny? - Julia Elisabeth  Jan 12 2013, 2:49:37 PM
          • Re: Does this sound too whiny? - Ottilie  Jan 12 2013, 3:43:08 PM
            • Re: Does this sound too whiny? - Julia Elisabeth  Jan 13 2013, 2:02:41 PM
  • Re: Does this sound too whiny? - Billina  Jan 6 2013, 7:09:16 PM
    • Re: Does this sound too whiny? - Julia Elisabeth  Jan 7 2013, 1:51:53 AM
  • Re: Does this sound too whiny? - RoxStar  Jan 6 2013, 8:02:21 AM
    • Re: Does this sound too whiny? - Julia Elisabeth  Jan 6 2013, 9:43:25 AM
    • Agree (m) - Fiammetta  Jan 6 2013, 8:26:21 AM
      • Re: Agree (m) - Julia Elisabeth  Jan 6 2013, 9:48:43 AM
        • she's not a little girl... - RoxStar  Jan 6 2013, 10:05:58 AM
          • Re: she's not a little girl... - Julia Elisabeth  Jan 6 2013, 10:45:49 AM