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Subject: Re: Does this sound too whiny?
Author: Julia Elisabeth   (Authenticated as Dahlis)
Date: January 12, 2013 at 2:49:37 PM
Reply to: Re: Does this sound too whiny? by Ottilie
I can see what you mean with showing and not telling and it's usually the style I like... but on the other hand, I wanted to justify her snarkiness and why she is so angry at her dad, and I didn't want it to sound like your typical angry/rebellious teenage daughter that's just angry and rebellious for no reason.

Yeah, good idea to move some of the explaining to before the dialogue, because admittedly it could do with being shortened down. It needs proofreading, I know. And as I commented on someone else's comment, this is a pretty rough translation, since it wasn't written in English to begin with. I wanted comments on Emma's character, not the technical parts, because the words I can refine later, but if Emma as a character sucks, I might have to delete the entire scene.

I appreciate your thoughts! :)


"I'm not lost, I just want you to find me"

Lost - Six60

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