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| Subject: | Re: first kiss (read and comment, please :D) |
| Author: | Billina (Authenticated as Billina) |
| Date: | January 18, 2013 at 8:51:36 AM |
| Reply to: | first kiss (read and comment, please :D) by Julia Elisabeth |
It's not schmaltzy and Nicholas Sparks-y, so that's good. It's a "real" piece of writing, because I can remember going through something like this myself (not my FIRST kiss, but I did kiss boys I wasn't crazy about.)
My only criticism is that it's a little too wordy. I think it would be better to trim the fat and get to the action quicker. Also, the first couple of lines don't make much sense. :P
"An intellectual says a simple thing in a hard way. An artist says a hard thing in a simple way."
-Charles Bukowski
"And by the way, dearie, your punctuation sucks canal water!"
-The ghost of Vivian Vance
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