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Showing other opinions. Maybe you don't agree with Kristina but it does come off as its your opinion too. Having Kristina think People stupid and superficial and making the judgment on teen parents and all that can be fine if you show other characters thinking differently. It adds dimension to you and to your characters.

Another suggestion is not having the description of each character: hair color, eye color, super hot. Maybe break that up so that Kristina mentions the hair someone tosses or pushes it out of the way then a paragraph or two later comment on the eyes.

~Raging and quivering female mass of hormones and tosser of Dark Side Cookies™ (trade marked by Etoile)

This message was edited by the author on January 21, 2013 at 10:04:14 PM

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• Too Much Dialogue? - Aly Jones  Jan 20 2013, 12:19:35 PM
  • Re: Too Much Dialogue? - Cherryfrog  Jan 25 2013, 5:37:25 AM
  • Re: Too Much Dialogue? - Julia Elisabeth  Jan 21 2013, 11:14:47 AM
    • I also suggest - klundtacular  Jan 21 2013, 7:37:00 PM
      • Re: I also suggest - Julia Elisabeth  Jan 22 2013, 6:28:57 AM
      • Re: I also suggest - Billina  Jan 21 2013, 8:14:35 PM
  • Re: Too Much Dialogue? - Billina  Jan 20 2013, 10:53:06 PM
    • dittoing all this... - RoxStar  Jan 21 2013, 7:25:08 AM