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Subject: Sahar / Carole Joy
Author: the dying daylight   (Authenticated as the dying daylight)
Date: May 12, 2012 at 4:02:45 PM
Reply to: Your Mom's name by Bear
My mother's birth name was Sahar. Which I think is really very pretty, and I've often been told that it's a lovely name when "Tell me about your folks" becomes a topic. I personally think it's an ace name, but my lovely silly progressive mumma never felt it suited her, increasingly felt it was too 'niche', too 'ethnic' and hated having to explain that she wasn't a Sarah or a Sahara. Let alone the difficulties people seemed to have pronouncing it. Fair enough. She chose to change her name to formally Carole Joy Sahar and in practice more along the lines of Carole Joy because she didn't (and doesn't even now) hate Sahar enough to drop it and my grandparents would have been sad if she had entirely ditched it, it being a name they spent a lot of pain and effort picking out for her, but she didn't feel like living as it for the above reasons. She didn't really like any 'S' names she came across, and Sarah/Sally went out of the window as she'd spent her life being the occasional accidental Sarah, and of the names on her possible name-choices, Carol/Carole got good feedback. Carole translates better in French, etc, so she chose that. Joy was chosen for it's upbeat meaning and added in a fit of 'When in Rome' and 'If I'm changing my name anyways'. I don't think many people on my mum's side have a middle name proper in the Western sense, but I know they not infrequently have other names. I don't know my mum's other names, or if she had any. She must have told me, and I must have forgotten. Still, I grew up with my mum being Carole 99% of the time and being Sahar amongst family members when they forget or forget on purpose, and so the double-name system has never confused me. In fact, my father has the same name as his father, and so has a nickname which has, over his lifetime, become the name nearly everyone knows him by, and since it's not, in English at least, logically connected to his legal name, it's almost like my mum. Both of my parents have this double-name thing. It's pretty weird when you think about it, but when you're used to it, it's hard to see how it'd work any other way.

In terms of naming my mother anything else, I wouldn't. I prefer Carol to Carole, but as in practice they tend to get pronounced the same here, who cares? It's warm, cuddly and maternal, just like my mumma, so I think it's a great name choice. And since it's something she chose after so much agonising and thought so long ago, I don't think I could ever have any right to change it. Still, I like Sahar better. Just sayin'.

EDIT II: Oh, and if we're talking about combos, me and my ex always (as in, when after several beers I harassed him into this convo) agreed that we liked Sahar for a daughter. I've sentimentally said that my folks deserve baby honoring names hundreds of times, and my mother always winces when I say what do you think of 'Sahar Blahblahblah', saying that it's a pain-in-the-arse name, so Sahar as a middle name has become the norm and she still doesn't want to pass it on. Which is a shame. I can't imagine a baby Carol and Carole and she doesn't like Carolina or Caroline (She briefly considered the latter before deciding it was flouncier than Carole yet somehow more commonplace, whatever that means). So... my mumma is a pain in the butt when it comes to honoring naming. To be honest, she's such a incredibly modest, lovely person that I can't see her going along with names in honour of her in the first place without far too much fuss, but still, it's nice to try to come up with Sahar combos.

This message was edited by the author on May 12, 2012 at 4:22:43 PM

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