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HelpCase of name regret
My sister's youngest daughter's name is Janine Carys. Recently on Facebook my sister was stating that she regrets not making Janine's first name Carys, especially since, she says, "the reasons I didn't want to seem stupid now." But I don't know what the reasons are. She said that she was "depressed" that she hadn't made her first name Carys and said that Janine, who is now seven years old, recently said that she wishes her first name is Carys.
What do you think? Is Carys a lot better than Janine? Is Janine better than Carys? Is Carys only marginally better than Janine or vice versa? Is this case of name regret warranted?
What do you think? Is Carys a lot better than Janine? Is Janine better than Carys? Is Carys only marginally better than Janine or vice versa? Is this case of name regret warranted?
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I like Janine! It's familiar, but unusual on a child. Carys is okay too.
I think it's a pretty neat name in all. Hang in there, kiddo!
Name regret always seems a bit silly to me. Instead of being upset that your name isn't already cool or whatever, you just have to be the reason for your name to be cool. "Oh, Janine", people will say. "I used to know an awesome Janine, it's a cool name!"
That's basically the reason why I like most names I do, at least.
I think it's a pretty neat name in all. Hang in there, kiddo!
Name regret always seems a bit silly to me. Instead of being upset that your name isn't already cool or whatever, you just have to be the reason for your name to be cool. "Oh, Janine", people will say. "I used to know an awesome Janine, it's a cool name!"
That's basically the reason why I like most names I do, at least.
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I think Carys is beautiful but Janine is dated and boring. Carys is much better in my opinion.
If the mother and daughter both want to change her name, why not change it? Maybe wait until a logical time, like when she is moving to the next school or something.
If the mother and daughter both want to change her name, why not change it? Maybe wait until a logical time, like when she is moving to the next school or something.
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I think Carys Janine flows better than Janine Carys. And in general I don't like names where the emphasis is on the second of 2 syllables. So on those grounds I'd have put Carys first if I'd used those names at all.
Carys is trendier, I suppose. More up to date. Janine seems to have a more 1950s vibe to it, or even 1940s, and the -EEN is rather whiney - not a bit like the brisker Janice :)
Ooh, I've just swapped endings in my head, and what came up but Janice Carreen, like Scarlett O'Hara's little sister. Better rhythm, too!
Anyways, I like Carrie as a possible nn and I can't think of any for Janine really except perhaps Nina, but it's a stretch. The Janines I know all go by the full version.
Back to real life: if both mother and daughter prefer Carys, then why not use it? No need to jump through hoops and change it officially. I know plenty of people, including my DH, who go by their mns and nobody bats an eyelid.
Carys is trendier, I suppose. More up to date. Janine seems to have a more 1950s vibe to it, or even 1940s, and the -EEN is rather whiney - not a bit like the brisker Janice :)
Ooh, I've just swapped endings in my head, and what came up but Janice Carreen, like Scarlett O'Hara's little sister. Better rhythm, too!
Anyways, I like Carrie as a possible nn and I can't think of any for Janine really except perhaps Nina, but it's a stretch. The Janines I know all go by the full version.
Back to real life: if both mother and daughter prefer Carys, then why not use it? No need to jump through hoops and change it officially. I know plenty of people, including my DH, who go by their mns and nobody bats an eyelid.
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Kids go through this all the time. As a parent I wouldn't stress over it with name regret. Idk, can you have name regret seven years later? I understand name regret after a few weeks or months of your kid being born (this is my greatest fear!! haha), but surely after seven years the name IS the kid, less of them suiting the name or whatever.
But for the record I think Carys is a million times better than Janine. I do hate the American pronunciation of Carys, though, it's so grating. :/
But for the record I think Carys is a million times better than Janine. I do hate the American pronunciation of Carys, though, it's so grating. :/
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Don't care much for Janine and would prefer Carys but I think she can just go by her mn.
Edited to delete some personal info.
Edited to delete some personal info.
This message was edited 4/15/2014, 12:17 PM
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I think Carys is a lot better than Janine because Janine seems dated and banal to me.
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I don't think it matters whether anyone thinks the regret is warranted. All that matters is that your sister and her child feel deep regret over not using Carys and it appears they do.
To answer your other question, I don't particularly like one name over the other. Carys feels less dated than Janine and perhaps that's its chief appeal to your sister. And the situation is fixable. The child can always go by her mn. Lots of people do. Just in my dh's immediate family, there are five people who've done just that. :-)
To answer your other question, I don't particularly like one name over the other. Carys feels less dated than Janine and perhaps that's its chief appeal to your sister. And the situation is fixable. The child can always go by her mn. Lots of people do. Just in my dh's immediate family, there are five people who've done just that. :-)
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Meh, Carys and Janine are pretty much on par for coolness factor, I think. Can't say as I really think one is even marginally better than the other.
Also, a seven year old will certainly wish her name is name things, before she even turns eight. Didn't we all?
Also, perhaps I'm too jaded (and I certainly don't know your sister), but it seems that a good chunk of what is posted on Facebook is not an authentic conversation.
If I could tweak your niece's name I'd go with Karissa Janine. I knew a super-cool-dreadlocks-rocking girl named Karissa once. Ooo, and her nickname would be Ritz.
Also, a seven year old will certainly wish her name is name things, before she even turns eight. Didn't we all?
Also, perhaps I'm too jaded (and I certainly don't know your sister), but it seems that a good chunk of what is posted on Facebook is not an authentic conversation.
If I could tweak your niece's name I'd go with Karissa Janine. I knew a super-cool-dreadlocks-rocking girl named Karissa once. Ooo, and her nickname would be Ritz.
This message was edited 4/14/2014, 6:31 PM
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When I was seven or thereabouts I wanted my name to be Katie. My best friend's name was Katie, it seemed like a good name to have. :-D
Honestly, I think it's one of those thoughts that I would keep to myself, if I was in the parent's shoes. Seven years down the road you'd think you'd just love the name because it is the name of your child.
It's six of one, half dozen of the other to me. Carys and Janine appeal to me on a similar level as far as aesthetics go. I think they're both fine.
Honestly, I think it's one of those thoughts that I would keep to myself, if I was in the parent's shoes. Seven years down the road you'd think you'd just love the name because it is the name of your child.
It's six of one, half dozen of the other to me. Carys and Janine appeal to me on a similar level as far as aesthetics go. I think they're both fine.
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It's not too surprising that my sister has this name regret, actually. Her two older daughters are from her first marriage. When she was expecting them, the name-choosing process was torturous. The names had to be loved by both her and her husband, and finding ones they both loved proved difficult. The two younger girls are from her second marriage. The name choosing-process during that relationship seemed to be "If Mike likes it, then I do." That's exactly what I heard about both the names chosen---
"Mike likes it."
That's why such a difference in styles between the two older girls, Mara and Brenna, and the two younger ones, Kaylen and Janine. And now my sister is embarrassed by Kaylen. The name, not the the daughter, lol.
Actually, I can never remember if it's spelled Kaylen or Kaylin. Either way, she's embarrassed by it.
"Mike likes it."
That's why such a difference in styles between the two older girls, Mara and Brenna, and the two younger ones, Kaylen and Janine. And now my sister is embarrassed by Kaylen. The name, not the the daughter, lol.
Actually, I can never remember if it's spelled Kaylen or Kaylin. Either way, she's embarrassed by it.
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I think Carys is a lot better than Janine, Janine seems very dated imo... but, why doesn't she just go by Carys? Plenty of people go by their mns, and if both your sister and niece prefer Carys, why not just go by it then? I knew a few people during my school years who decided to go by different names (usually a mn or a new nn), and it didn't cause any problems or anything, aside from the mild confusion at the very beginning.
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I can't say I really like Janine very much, but it's a lot better than Carys. Carys just makes me think of rotten teeth and cavities, and seems very weird on an American; I understand it's quite fashionable in England, but it seems pretentious here.
Plus, with Janine you can go by Jan or Nina.
Plus, with Janine you can go by Jan or Nina.
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I think Janine is more dated than Carys. There are also enough C-/K- names right now that Carys would fit in better. (Caden, Carter, Carson, Camden, Chloe, Christopher, Caleb, Claire, Camilla, and all spellings)
I do like Carys better, but I don't think I'd use either. Is name regret warranted? Only the parents can answer that. I don't know what their opinions are.
I do like Carys better, but I don't think I'd use either. Is name regret warranted? Only the parents can answer that. I don't know what their opinions are.
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I'd rather be Janine than Carys. I can't say either is better than the other. I think they're both good. Carys is slightly annoying to me because I read it CAIR-iss and yet I believe it should be CAR-iss, and neither way seems 100% right.
I think name regret seems pretty self-absorbed. Janine is a perfectly good name and it's what she's named. If she wants to go by Carys, just have everyone start calling her Carys! No need for depression and remorse etc.
ETA my daughter is often sounding wistful that I didn't name her Charlotte. Well, tough bananas. I like the name Charlotte, but it's not your name. Change it if you want, but spare me the sighing - and you'll have to remind me a whole lot at first! (She likes her real name too so has never demanded to change it)
I think name regret seems pretty self-absorbed. Janine is a perfectly good name and it's what she's named. If she wants to go by Carys, just have everyone start calling her Carys! No need for depression and remorse etc.
ETA my daughter is often sounding wistful that I didn't name her Charlotte. Well, tough bananas. I like the name Charlotte, but it's not your name. Change it if you want, but spare me the sighing - and you'll have to remind me a whole lot at first! (She likes her real name too so has never demanded to change it)
This message was edited 4/14/2014, 5:24 PM
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Is Charlotte your daughters mn? Or just a name she really likes? I think there's a bit of difference between the two, because technically a mn is still your name.
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She asked what I'd have named her if I hadn't named her what I did, and that's the answer. She likes it mostly because of Charlotte's Web, I think! I had 3 names to choose from when she was born - Charlotte, Claudia, and the name she has. Claudia is her mn, and I decided Charlotte just didn't feel right.
So if she really, really wanted to be Charlotte, I'd be willing to try to call her that, and have everyone call her that, and if it stuck I'd change it legally. Whatever - my naming ego wouldn't get flayed if that happened. I'm not going to be hard on myself about whether the name I chose was as "good." A name is given in a moment, and the moment passes, and people change. Changing a name isn't a huge deal, but neither is having a name that doesn't seem as "good" as another name.
Anyway yeah, blah blah. It's true that going by a middle name seems simpler than taking a whole new name. But really I think it wouldn't be any harder for everyone to start calling her Charlotte, than it would be for them to start calling her Claudia. It would just be slightly inconvenient and tacky for her to introduce herself (Yes my name is ___ Claudia, but I go by Charlotte) until she changed it.
So if she really, really wanted to be Charlotte, I'd be willing to try to call her that, and have everyone call her that, and if it stuck I'd change it legally. Whatever - my naming ego wouldn't get flayed if that happened. I'm not going to be hard on myself about whether the name I chose was as "good." A name is given in a moment, and the moment passes, and people change. Changing a name isn't a huge deal, but neither is having a name that doesn't seem as "good" as another name.
Anyway yeah, blah blah. It's true that going by a middle name seems simpler than taking a whole new name. But really I think it wouldn't be any harder for everyone to start calling her Charlotte, than it would be for them to start calling her Claudia. It would just be slightly inconvenient and tacky for her to introduce herself (Yes my name is ___ Claudia, but I go by Charlotte) until she changed it.
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But what is her name?
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I'm sorry, I don't post it online. It's kind of "unique" (still fewer than 100 girls named it last year). I don't ever want my posts to be searchable by her name. It would embarrass her, someday. lol
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Yes, so when I post my kids names, I put spaces between each letter so they aren't searchable.
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And maybe I just don't want to hear people's opinions of it, too. =D
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That is difficult when I see people make negative comments about my daughter's name but it is meaningful to me because it's an honoring name and it of course really suits her now. And we all have different tastes.
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It's not that I would take negative comments hard. It's just that it's so pointless for anyone to make them. Mostly I respond by feeling impatient and a little scornful. I mean, it's okay with me if people don't like it, or if they tell each other they don't - but them telling me so, would feel like someone telling me they don't like the shape of my ears. I'd want to say "Yeah, so it's not to your taste - cry me a river? Or maybe, just shut up? Is there some reason you think I care?"
I feel a little funny posting my opinions of names people claim are their kids' actual names. It's different from talking about what you might name them. I'm thinking, I am sure they don't really give a rip what I think, unless I praise the name ... they used it, so obvs they don't care if I don't like it, right? So since it's an Opinions Board, aren't they basically just fishing for compliments? That's okay, I'll give any compliments I have that are sincere, and hopefully if what I say isn't complimentary, they'll know that I realize my opinions are junk to them.
Anyway, I'm not looking for compliments on my kids' names, any more than I'm avoiding derogations. I already know that not a lot of people find my daughter's name really fabulous, just by the fact that only a few people use it for their daughters. And by the trouble people have with pronouncing it... lol. I know it's a nice decent name, and I'm fully aware of all the "drawbacks" it has - there's no new info for me in other people talking about the name. I decided none of the negatives were enough to ruin the name, and nobody's going to convince me otherwise now!
I feel a little funny posting my opinions of names people claim are their kids' actual names. It's different from talking about what you might name them. I'm thinking, I am sure they don't really give a rip what I think, unless I praise the name ... they used it, so obvs they don't care if I don't like it, right? So since it's an Opinions Board, aren't they basically just fishing for compliments? That's okay, I'll give any compliments I have that are sincere, and hopefully if what I say isn't complimentary, they'll know that I realize my opinions are junk to them.
Anyway, I'm not looking for compliments on my kids' names, any more than I'm avoiding derogations. I already know that not a lot of people find my daughter's name really fabulous, just by the fact that only a few people use it for their daughters. And by the trouble people have with pronouncing it... lol. I know it's a nice decent name, and I'm fully aware of all the "drawbacks" it has - there's no new info for me in other people talking about the name. I decided none of the negatives were enough to ruin the name, and nobody's going to convince me otherwise now!
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