View Message

Naming after family members
If you were to give you daughter a middle name after the grandmums does that then make if unfair when you have a boy who you are not planning to name after the granddads?
Or if you name your child after one partners sibling but you aren't planning to name your following children after family members?
Does it cause arguments, awkwardness or bitterness from other family members or do you think it's best to just stay away from naming after family members all together?
Any advice,opinions or others experience with this situation is welcomed! Thank you!*My apologies' if this is in the wrong category *
Archived Thread - replies disabled
vote up1

Replies

Thank you allThank You all for your responses. Certainly gives me something to think about :)
vote up1
My youngest sister (out of 8 children) is the only one who was named after a relative (my grandma) and no one that I know of was hurt that my grandma was the only one "honored". My husband's middle name has been passed down from his great grandpa all the way to him and I will not be using that name no matter how many boys we have. I honestly don't think it will cause any awkwardness or arguments. It's just a name.
vote up1
Well my brother is named after both grandfathers. However I am not named after either of my grandmothers.For our first son, he will have the middle name Stewart after my grandfather, however unless we have a second son we will not have my other grandfathers name or either of Dave's grandfathers.
vote up1
I suppose it depends on the people and the reasons. If the namesake is dead, and the others aren't, you could just say that you are using the names of late relatives only, or you liked the name/ combo and it just happens to be so-and-so's name. But, if the complaining relatives hate the namesake (or someone with the same name) for a good reason, I'd stay away from it.
vote up1
I think I would base my decision on two things:
1. Do you actually want to name after this person?
2. Will your family voice their opinions if they are offended?I would only name my child after people who I wanted to name them after. I would not continue naming after family members because I 'had' to.If my family would be vocal about bitterness, I wouldn't even start naming after them - at least not living family members.If they would only stew privately, I might still do it.
vote up1
It's an honor, and an honor is not something that should be expected or demanded. I would not allow this to be a reason for not honoring a family member. I gave my daughter my mother's name as a middle name, but when I had a son he did not receive my father's name as a middle name--rather, he was given the same first and middle name as his father, paternal grandfather, and paternal great-grandfather.
vote up1
If you were to give you daughter a middle name after the grandmums does that then make if unfair when you have a boy who you are not planning to name after the granddads?I don't think it's necessarily unfair if you like the names the same, yourself, for whatever reasons you have. I think if it feels like it might be, then you should not do it, because your feelings about names tend to have more influence than you think ... if you believe that Anna Raffaella Francesca has a better name than James Chayce, your kids are likely to pick up on it and feel that way too.if you name your child after one partners sibling but you aren't planning to name your following children after family members?Depends on your relationships with the people, assuming they're still living. Are the non-namesakes going to "punish" you, and how much do you really care? Personally I think it's never a good idea to name a child after any living family member, except a parent. If you mean is it fair to the children, I'd say it seems unfair to the one who got named after the aunt or uncle. Sharing a name can be good, but it can be bad just as much. Personally I'd rather not share any names with living relatives. YMMVDoes it cause arguments, awkwardness or bitterness from other family members or do you think it's best to just stay away from naming after family members all together?I think it's fine to name after deceased family members. As far as causing problems - it totally depends on the family. In my own family, nobody would ever say anything about it, even if they were butthurt about the names we used. It just would not be cool.We named our daughter a middle name we both just liked. But it also happened to be the feminine form of my deceased grandpa's name, and he was worth naming for. Then we had a son, and like I had always said I would do, we gave him my deceased dad's first name as a middle name. If my daughter's middle name had not been "after" my grandpa, I don't think she would think it was unfair that my son has an "honoring" name, at all. Kids don't care that much.

... Load Full Message

This message was edited 1/15/2015, 9:33 AM

vote up1
This is the right category. I personally think that people should be honored if their name is given to a newborn - but should never expect it. That said, some families DO get pettily jealous over stuff like that. It would really depend on the family dynamic already. I could never use a name for one of my great-aunts, because my Grandmother and her sisters are quite petty and argue over everything. They would immediately hold the honor abover everyone's head (I know - one aunt called my Grandmother to brag that I made her smoothie once, no lie). However - I could totally use my father's name without my father-in-law getting upset. But, I couldn't use my mother's name, because I have a step-mother too.So - it's totally situational, and best judgement on your part.
After typing all that - I will say that if you want to honor a family member, just do it. Who cares if the others are jealous. That reaction is childish and silly and doesn't deserve recognition. (clearly I am not taking my own advice ;))*I plan to use my twin's name for one of my children, but I feel like that is a separate thing since no one can share my twin bond with her.
vote up1
I agree, I think people get too crazy with the whole honoring thing. It's a nice gesture but shouldn't be demanded. All my sisters decided to name their kids (even the girls!) after my dad, James. He never asked for them to do it, but he did like it. However, I wouldn't continue the tradition. If I really wanted to honor him, I would use a name he liked instead. When my son was born (and then placed for adoption), my sisters were up in arms that I didn't insist his middle name be James. One it didn't feel right taking away his parent's choice to name him whatever they wanted and second, it's not something I liked. Good advice, my rambling aside!
vote up1
I've bumped into this a bit. My daughter is named after my husband's grandmother. I know it would mean so much to my dad if I named our next daughter after his mom, but I never really knew her. He does understand it, but I know it hurts a bit.Otherwise it doesn't matter. My daughter's middle name is the same as an aunt but it's coincidental (or so I tell people. The name - Elizabeth - is also my middle name. We used it to honor me but I also liked the fact that she would share a name with her godmother and aunt). Her other middle name is her great-grandmothers. Baby two - if we have one - will be named after my dad or two of my daughter's great aunts. My family won't be bothered. My father-in-law already has two grandsons named after him, my mother-in-law has two granddaughters named for her. So all is good.
vote up1
It's not really that unusual and I doubt it causes many arguments, but it does depend on the family and their relationships.
This is a trap I see a lot of people falling into when they want to name their kids after relatives. They get started and they have to worry over leaving this side out, or not really liking the name but feeling like they have to use it because they used Auntie Favorite-Name's name and it would be awwwkward not using Auntie Ugly-Name's name too.
vote up1
Sure it can cause family drama. Almost anything can. I just don't think parents should care. If there are people in the family who are petty and immature enough to be keeping score, let them. Parents shouldn't have to feel like they're trying to balance a ledger where each side of the family must get exactly the same.
vote up1
I think it's a risky situation that can cause arguments etc. I don't really know though.. I'm planning on naming my first son after my maternal grandfather (MN only). My other grandfather died before I was born, so I don't see any reason for using his name.
I'm not planning on using any of my grandmothers names though. I'm close to my maternal grandmother, and I would love to name a daughter after her but I'm having trouble coming up with good combos. I guess stuff like this would be a good reason to stay away from honoring names. But at the same time, they are important to me. And if I were having a kid, it would be mine. Not theirs. And I can name my kid whatever I want. I wouldn't over think it :)
vote up1
No, I don't think so. Our son's middle name is after his dad and our daughter's is after my maternal grandmother. I look more at which side of the family you're going with. Like if they were both named after my side and none his, or vice versa, then I might feel... one-sided. hehe.Although actually... if we had another boy ever I'd probably want his middle name to be after my (maternal) Grandpa or Grandpa's family, so that doesn't follow my own rule. Meh. I really think the specific person is more important, you honor someone you're close to and not just because.Absolutely no issues with anyone. My Grandma was flattered we made our daughter's middle name after her, and happy that we used the name she goes by/her middle name instead of her first name, which had been our plan for several years!I planned from the start to use honoring middle names with my kids. My name doesn't honor anyone and I think that makes it less meaningful and substantial.
vote up1