All this talk about buttocks has reminded me of a truly horrific tale I heard told recently, from a friend of a friend. You've heard about the current foot-and-mouth disease epidemic in England, right? And how thousands of cows, sheep, and pigs have had to be slaughtered in order to curtail the epidemic? Thus creating a shortage of meat? Well, this story comes straight from England. BELIEVE IT... OR NOT!
A young man recalls going out for an evening of fun at a club, but the last thing he remembers is accepting a drink from a strange woman. The next thing he knows, he's waking up in a bathtub in a seedy motel. The bathtub is filled to the brim with ice, and the young man is completely numb all over (as well as completely nude). He's not entirely certain what has happened and, as he rises somewhat unsteadily from the ice-filled bathtub, he feels a strange sensation in his backside. He slowly reaches back there with one hand... to discover... that....
HIS BUTTOCKS ARE GONE!!!!
His buttocks have been surgically removed! He's buttock-less! The horror is overwhelming!!
In a little thatched cottage in the wolds of Yorkshire, a family is about to sit down to their annual Easter feast. Mum proudly brings the honey-baked ham on a platter to the dinner table, and the entire family beams up at her in happy anticipation.
But then, little Trevor (an astute seven-year-old) peers intently at the steaming mound of meat that Daddy is about to carve. "Daddy," asks little Trevor. "How come the ham has pimples?"
So let that be a warning to you. If you go out to party this weekend, HOLD ONTO YOUR BUTTOCKS!
Happy Easter to all my friends who happen to celebrate that holiday. :)