Th' Top FORTY Thin's Yo'll NEVER Hear A Southern Man Say:
40. Oh ah jest c'dn't, she's only sixteen, as enny fool kin plainly see. 39. I'll take Shakespeare fo' 1000, Alex. 38. Duck tape won't fix thet. 37. Honey, ah reckon we sh'd sell th' pickup an' buy a fambly sedan, as enny fool kin plainly see. 36. Come t'reckon of it, I'll haf a Heineken, as enny fool kin plainly see. 35. We doesn't keep firearms in this hyar house. 34. Has ennybody see th' sideburns trimmer? 33. Yo' kin't feed thet t'th' houn'dog. 32. ah thunk Gracelan' was tacky. 31. No kids in th' back of th' pickup, it's jest not safe. 30. Wrestlin' is fake. 29. Honey, did yo' mail thet donashun t'Greenpeace? 28. We is vegitarians. 27. Do yo' reckon mah gut is too trimenjus? 26. I'll haf grapefruit an' yogurt instead of biscuits an' gravy. 25. Honey, we doesn't need t'other houn'dog. 24. Who gives a dadburn who won th' Civil War? 23. Gimme th' small bag of pawk rinds. 22. Too menny deer haids detrack fum th' deco'. 21. Spittin' is sech a nasty habit. 20. ah jest c'dn't find a thin' at WalMart today. 19. Trim th' fat off thet steak. Shet mah mouth! 18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso. 17. Th' tires on thet truck is too trimenjus. 16. I'll haf th' arugula an' radicchio salad, cuss it all t' tarnation. 15. I've got it all saved on th' C: drive. 14. Unsweetened a six pack tastes better. 13. W'd yo' like yer fish poached o' broiled? 12. Mah fee-ancy, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffenny's. 11. I've got two cases of Zima fo' th' Super Bowl, ah reckon. 10. Li'l Debbie snack cakes haftao menny fat grams. 9. Checkmate. 8. She's too yo'ng t'be warin' a bikini. 7. Does th' salad bar haf bean sprouts? 6. Hey, hyar's an episode of "Hee Haw" thet we ain't see. 5. ah doesn't haf a favo'ite college team, dawgone it. 4. Be sho'nuff t'brin' mah salad dressin' on th' side. 3. Yo' All, ah reckon. 2. Them sho'ts ought t'be a li'l longer, Darla.
An', th' Number One thin' yo'll NEVER hear a Southern Man say:
1. Nope, no mo'e fo' me. ah's drivin' tonight.
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