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ArchivesRe: Misc. Name Crap From The Sunday Paper
in reply to a message by Cap'n Pissy
"Two name-related things caught my eye in today's Sunday paper:"
****** Well, I know you're not posting from England, so it couldn't have been the daily Page 3 girl of *The Sun* which caught your eye. :)
"1) A weekly adoption piece called "Kentucky's Waiting Children" featured two brothers, ages 8 and 6, looking for a family. Really cute little guys, except the younger is named "Deamin" (the older is "Gary"). Nasty thing to do to a child, especially one who looks about as demonic as Thumper the Bunny."
****** Don't let the eyes fool ya, Daividh. Dem bunnies got HYPNOTIC eyes! They can stare you down like a cobra and then, when you're all helpless and in the bunny's thrall, THEY SWALLOW YOUR FEET!!!!! Oh... waitaminute... I'm getting confused with a bad slipper hallucination I had once, after having overdosed on Haagen-Daz...
"Questions raised are: a) Is this somewhere a legitimate first name, and; b) why isn't it legal to sterilize parents that bestow this kind of handle on their kid?"
****** a) I think just about anything passes as a legitimate first name in Kentucky; b) I want to know: Why isn't it legal to pole-axe, filet, freeze-dry, and ship parents like that off to Third World countries to help feed all the starving children? Just think of all the protein that would be contained in those valuable and much-needed CARE packages! I'm seriously thinking of starting my own international philanthropic organization and calling it C.A.R.E. -- Cannibalism for Assistance and Relief Everywhere.
"2) A columnist for the Detroit Free Press wrote about parents in New York City who have offered to name their new baby boy after any specified consumer product provided a company forks over $1/2 mil. for the rights. Weird thing is, these are presumably educated people (dad's some kind of newspaper editor for a legit publication). I guess it wouldn't be too bad if the kid were named "Hungry Jack" or "Brawny", but "Scooter Pie", "Dutch Girl", and "Aunt Jemima" would be less savory possibilities (as would "Dippity Doo" and "2,000 Flushes".)"
****** So, um... You think the name "Zane Black" (what they wound up naming the kid) is *better*? That's, like, a darker version of a famous name for a writer of Westerns. Evil cowboy stories, that's what this kid will be noted for someday. Which, on second thought, maybe isn't such a bad thing...
"Question raised is: Are a lot of people in New York dipshits like this, or are Al Sharpton, Senator Hillary, and Lizzie Grubman rare exceptions?"
****** Well, y'know Daividh, all the really cooooool people move to Kentucky (mmmpf! snort! hee-hee!), I guess that here in New York we just have to make-do with what's left. :)
"Thank you for your time."
****** Anytime. :)
"-- The Cap'n"
-- Nanaea (definitely not Tennille)
****** Well, I know you're not posting from England, so it couldn't have been the daily Page 3 girl of *The Sun* which caught your eye. :)
"1) A weekly adoption piece called "Kentucky's Waiting Children" featured two brothers, ages 8 and 6, looking for a family. Really cute little guys, except the younger is named "Deamin" (the older is "Gary"). Nasty thing to do to a child, especially one who looks about as demonic as Thumper the Bunny."
****** Don't let the eyes fool ya, Daividh. Dem bunnies got HYPNOTIC eyes! They can stare you down like a cobra and then, when you're all helpless and in the bunny's thrall, THEY SWALLOW YOUR FEET!!!!! Oh... waitaminute... I'm getting confused with a bad slipper hallucination I had once, after having overdosed on Haagen-Daz...
"Questions raised are: a) Is this somewhere a legitimate first name, and; b) why isn't it legal to sterilize parents that bestow this kind of handle on their kid?"
****** a) I think just about anything passes as a legitimate first name in Kentucky; b) I want to know: Why isn't it legal to pole-axe, filet, freeze-dry, and ship parents like that off to Third World countries to help feed all the starving children? Just think of all the protein that would be contained in those valuable and much-needed CARE packages! I'm seriously thinking of starting my own international philanthropic organization and calling it C.A.R.E. -- Cannibalism for Assistance and Relief Everywhere.
"2) A columnist for the Detroit Free Press wrote about parents in New York City who have offered to name their new baby boy after any specified consumer product provided a company forks over $1/2 mil. for the rights. Weird thing is, these are presumably educated people (dad's some kind of newspaper editor for a legit publication). I guess it wouldn't be too bad if the kid were named "Hungry Jack" or "Brawny", but "Scooter Pie", "Dutch Girl", and "Aunt Jemima" would be less savory possibilities (as would "Dippity Doo" and "2,000 Flushes".)"
****** So, um... You think the name "Zane Black" (what they wound up naming the kid) is *better*? That's, like, a darker version of a famous name for a writer of Westerns. Evil cowboy stories, that's what this kid will be noted for someday. Which, on second thought, maybe isn't such a bad thing...
"Question raised is: Are a lot of people in New York dipshits like this, or are Al Sharpton, Senator Hillary, and Lizzie Grubman rare exceptions?"
****** Well, y'know Daividh, all the really cooooool people move to Kentucky (mmmpf! snort! hee-hee!), I guess that here in New York we just have to make-do with what's left. :)
"Thank you for your time."
****** Anytime. :)
"-- The Cap'n"
-- Nanaea (definitely not Tennille)
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