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Highly entertaining!
Here are my answers:
Statement #1:
"They will never listen unless your child screams at them millions of times and then these idiots will label your child a jerk."
B. People never listened to Elaine as a child because they didn't understand what the hell she was yapping about.

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Statement #2
"Strangers never ask you which name you prefer to use."
B. Strangers never asked Elaine which name she prefers to use because they thought it wise to avoid eye-contact with her.

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Statement #3
"The reason why I know so much about this is because I have been called by my middle name instead of my first name every single day of my life and it is a pain in the neck. I absolutely detest my first name."
B. Elaine absolutely detests her first name because of a traumatic childhood experience that Elaine will be more than willing to tell you about if she can corner you for another six hours.
---although I do like C. too.

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Statement #4
"People have given me dirty looks when I have corrected them for calling me by the wrong name."
C. People have given Elaine dirty looks because Elaine has a habit of constantly "correcting" everyone around her.

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Statement #5
"Prospective employers have always ruined my name and one jerk talked to me like he wanted to slap my face when I corrected him about the first name garbage."
C. A prospective employer talked to Elaine like he wanted to slap her face because she's just SO $%^#$' ANNOYING.

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Statement #6
"One college professor asked me if I was too stupid to know which name I preferred to use and he asked me this question in front of about thirty students."
B. The college professor asked Elaine if she was stupid because Elaine wouldn't leave the classroom until she'd first finished "correcting" everyone in the room.

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Statement #7
"Once my fifth grade classmates lied to the substitute teacher about which name I used but this wasn't just one or two obnoxious students who did this. The entire class did it..."
C. The entire class did it because Elaine was just one of those kids in school that nobody likes.

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Statement #8
"A shop teacher in high school called me by the wrong name for about six weeks and another teacher did it a whole year."
B. The teachers did that because they were actively participating in a nation-wide conspiracy against Elaine .

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Statement #9
"Several years ago, a sales clerk in a store asked me if the reason why my parents called me by my middle name was because of the possibility that my parents didn't want me."
B. The sales clerk asked Elaine that because all the other customers waiting impatiently at the checkout line for Elaine to SHUT THE &^%$ UP just weren't as interesting as Elaine .

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Statement #10
"You should also pay very close attention to your child's initials because they should not spell any bad words that will cause your child to be teased by a bully."
B. You should make sure your child's initials don't spell any bad words because if you don't, Elaine will jump into her little Name Police patrol car with the little bell she likes to ring, and peddle it furiously until she has apprehended you and "corrected" you.
C. You should make sure your child's initials don't spell any bad words because, at this point, you will be anxious to do almost anything that might get Elaine to shut the crap up.
---I'm undecided. They both fit her! lol

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I changed all the swear words to *&^%$ so others wouldn't hound(you had swear words on the baby board, you would be yelled at so quick). Is there some rule that we can't swear anymore in post or it just for the subjects?? I'm not even sure i should have.

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Elaine reminds me of "Me" before she got kicked off. Again Highly entertaing!!!!!!