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This message was edited 6/16/2018, 11:58 PM
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It’s kind of immature to delete your entire post because you don’t like the opinions given. Everyone read your post, we got it, and we responded. Generally speaking, people here will comment on all names mentioned, not just specific names. If you don’t like that and just want people to agree with you then this likely ain’t the place for you.
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That’s the problem. I was looking for help with the name Lillian and how I might get my husband to place it in the middle. He knows that I don’t like it. I know that he does. It’s a sensitive topic. So when others are going on about something else it’s not helpful to me. But It’s OK. I know what I like and what I believe. So I’ll deal with it. I just didn’t want to bring family into this.
This message was edited 6/17/2018, 9:55 AM
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Agreed
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Your edit is worse by far than some of the replies you're complaining about. Caps lock, really? Being insulting doesn't usually make other people feel less inclined to be insulting.
This is a name opinion board, and so there will be people who give their honest opinion of names you mention. It doesn't matter if you asked or not. People are here to talk about their opinions of names (and we're not all always ladies). We like to read each other's honest opinions, too. You seem to be expecting something more like a ttc support group.
Whether you find responses well-written, helpful, or worth your time, is all your own business. It's nice when people's opinions are taken to be helpful, but it's OK here for people to give honest opinions about names even when they're not considered helpful by an OP.
Opinions are like assholes, you know - everyone's got one. You can ignore them if they miss the mark and don't help you, because they only reflect on the person giving them. If you think they reflect a bad light ... it doesn't get on you, and everyone else probably sees it too.
I'm hoping that you were just being unusually reactive (it happens sometimes in early pregnancy), and you'll see what I'm saying here.
About Eskenazi - to me it doesn't matter whether the baby is Jewish or not. The combo makes a kind of adjective-noun phrase, like Brooklyn Lily. Brooklyn Eskenazi = a Jewish person from Brooklyn? I have nothing against Jewish people but that's how the combo sounds to me. Brooklyn Christian would have a similar thing going on. I'm telling you so you might consider how it sounds to some others, which I assume is a reason you asked for opinions. I'm not telling you in order to slam you for proposing it.
You're kind of asking for people to tell you we think it's okay for you to change your mind about having agreed to name a girl Lillian. Of course it is. What wouldn't be okay, is if you go into the conversation determined to make him yield to your conviction that the baby is MEANT TO BE NAMED Brooklyn. You still have to name her together, and you might not get exactly what you want, and it'll be okay if you don't. I'm imagining that could be more helpful than if I said - well, God has spoken and her name is Brooklyn, so who cares what your husband thinks.
Best wishes for your pregnancy.
This is a name opinion board, and so there will be people who give their honest opinion of names you mention. It doesn't matter if you asked or not. People are here to talk about their opinions of names (and we're not all always ladies). We like to read each other's honest opinions, too. You seem to be expecting something more like a ttc support group.
Whether you find responses well-written, helpful, or worth your time, is all your own business. It's nice when people's opinions are taken to be helpful, but it's OK here for people to give honest opinions about names even when they're not considered helpful by an OP.
Opinions are like assholes, you know - everyone's got one. You can ignore them if they miss the mark and don't help you, because they only reflect on the person giving them. If you think they reflect a bad light ... it doesn't get on you, and everyone else probably sees it too.
I'm hoping that you were just being unusually reactive (it happens sometimes in early pregnancy), and you'll see what I'm saying here.
About Eskenazi - to me it doesn't matter whether the baby is Jewish or not. The combo makes a kind of adjective-noun phrase, like Brooklyn Lily. Brooklyn Eskenazi = a Jewish person from Brooklyn? I have nothing against Jewish people but that's how the combo sounds to me. Brooklyn Christian would have a similar thing going on. I'm telling you so you might consider how it sounds to some others, which I assume is a reason you asked for opinions. I'm not telling you in order to slam you for proposing it.
You're kind of asking for people to tell you we think it's okay for you to change your mind about having agreed to name a girl Lillian. Of course it is. What wouldn't be okay, is if you go into the conversation determined to make him yield to your conviction that the baby is MEANT TO BE NAMED Brooklyn. You still have to name her together, and you might not get exactly what you want, and it'll be okay if you don't. I'm imagining that could be more helpful than if I said - well, God has spoken and her name is Brooklyn, so who cares what your husband thinks.
Best wishes for your pregnancy.
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Thank you for your response. I used upper case letters to get peoples attention not to insult. I didn’t ask for opinions about Brooklyn just Brooklyn Eskenazi. That’s why this is frustrating.
This message was edited 6/16/2018, 11:58 PM
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I like Brooklyn Lillian. Flow doesn’t matter as much as meaning, in this case (I think). If you dislike Lillian, that shouldn’t be your child’s name. If you both like Brooklyn, that is a step above Lillian. I’m going to disagree with the other posters and say a dream is a good reason to use a name. Some of the coolest name stories I know are because the mom had a dream the child was called that. I don’t think it’s manipulative if it’s true; you had that dream, and if you have a respectful, healthy relationship with your husband it’s not manipulative to speak the truth.
I also think mothers have a special weight to name kids seeing as they carry them, in the majority of cases. Mothers’ dreams are meaningful, imho.
See if you warm up to Brooklyn Lillian. :)
PS — Congratulations.
I also think mothers have a special weight to name kids seeing as they carry them, in the majority of cases. Mothers’ dreams are meaningful, imho.
See if you warm up to Brooklyn Lillian. :)
PS — Congratulations.
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I actually agree with you that a dream can be meaningful like that, and it should be okay to mention it. But if it were totally okay to mention it, would one turn to the internet, instead of turning to one's husband and mentioning it?
I don't think it's "unhealthy," if you know your partner feels committed to using an honoring name, and might be very hurt at first if you changed your mind about it. It's something you might have to be delicate about. That's what I meant by coming off as manipulative...
I was committed to giving my father's name to my son as a middle name. If my husband had said "I dreamed we named the baby something else, and so I feel it was meant to be different, would you reconsider" ... it wouldn't have been as nice a conversation, as it would if he had just said he wasn't that happy about the name, and wanted to use something else, and *then* said he dreamed of a son with a certain name.
I don't think it's "unhealthy," if you know your partner feels committed to using an honoring name, and might be very hurt at first if you changed your mind about it. It's something you might have to be delicate about. That's what I meant by coming off as manipulative...
I was committed to giving my father's name to my son as a middle name. If my husband had said "I dreamed we named the baby something else, and so I feel it was meant to be different, would you reconsider" ... it wouldn't have been as nice a conversation, as it would if he had just said he wasn't that happy about the name, and wanted to use something else, and *then* said he dreamed of a son with a certain name.
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I love the name Brooklyn. I like it on a girl or boy. It's a great name. There's gonna be haters because it's trendy right now, bit it's a place name so it is what it is and they'll get over it.
I love the place Brooklyn. It's my favourite place actually. A lot of amazing memories there.
(But wait. You know the Dodgers haven't been in Brooklyn since 1957, right? They're the Los Angeles Dodgers now.)
Aaaaaaanyway... I like it and support it.
I also side with those people saying why don't you use two middle names? I've known a number of people to use two middle names. (It's probably more common than you think.)
I think Brooklyn Lillian Dawn (or whatever order) is actually very lovely.
I would highly discourage against using Eskenazi. One, it's just an alternate of Ashkenazi which is a subgroup of the Jewish ethnic group and I don't recommend naming anyone after an ethnic group. It doesn't sit well with me (or a lot of people). And two, it has "nazi" at the end which I don't think I have to explain.
So Brooklyn is cool, but go with the other middle name ideas. :)
I love the place Brooklyn. It's my favourite place actually. A lot of amazing memories there.
(But wait. You know the Dodgers haven't been in Brooklyn since 1957, right? They're the Los Angeles Dodgers now.)
Aaaaaaanyway... I like it and support it.
I also side with those people saying why don't you use two middle names? I've known a number of people to use two middle names. (It's probably more common than you think.)
I think Brooklyn Lillian Dawn (or whatever order) is actually very lovely.
I would highly discourage against using Eskenazi. One, it's just an alternate of Ashkenazi which is a subgroup of the Jewish ethnic group and I don't recommend naming anyone after an ethnic group. It doesn't sit well with me (or a lot of people). And two, it has "nazi" at the end which I don't think I have to explain.
So Brooklyn is cool, but go with the other middle name ideas. :)
This message was edited 6/16/2018, 8:21 PM
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Thank you. I did mention in my post that Eskenazi is my Mother in laws maiden name. My husband is Jewish. This baby is half Jewish. So I’m not pulling the name from out of nowhere. Your response has been the most helpful so far thank you. I just wish people would have read the entirety of my post before responding...yes I’m aware that the Dodgers are in California now as my DH works for the organization;)
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Considering that the great majority of people with the name Eskenazi are Jewish, I think it’s up to them to decide whether it’s appropriate to be used (I say definitely yes) and whether it matters that it ends in ‘nazi’... so does Ashkenazi, and many Jews proudly use that word. From my own Jewish perspective, it is presumptuous and inappropriate and frankly kind of ignorant for you to say this name shouldn’t be used. Someone from an ethnic group can certainly decide whatever the heck they want to do with using the name of their own group on their own baby.
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Kind of presumptuous for you to assume I’m not Jewish, isn’t it?
Because I am. I’ve grown up with a mixed family having both Jewish and Christian faiths, celebrating both faith’s holidays, etc. That doesn’t make me any less Jewish.
Don’t assume because I’ve mentioned something Christian that I can’t also be Jewish.
My mother’s family is Ashkenazi and the name itself has never set well with me (and maybe that’s a personal thing, but nonetheless...) and I gave my opinion on that for its use as a given name.
This would have been an okay response from the OP, but this is something you should have stayed out of.
Because I am. I’ve grown up with a mixed family having both Jewish and Christian faiths, celebrating both faith’s holidays, etc. That doesn’t make me any less Jewish.
Don’t assume because I’ve mentioned something Christian that I can’t also be Jewish.
My mother’s family is Ashkenazi and the name itself has never set well with me (and maybe that’s a personal thing, but nonetheless...) and I gave my opinion on that for its use as a given name.
This would have been an okay response from the OP, but this is something you should have stayed out of.
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Thank you! Yes, many people didn’t read my post and instead went straight to attacking the name Brooklyn. My husband and in laws are Jewish. My baby is half Jewish and will be raised in the synagogue as well as church. So much nonsense could have been avoided here if people would just READ!
This message was edited 6/16/2018, 8:47 PM
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Perhaps compromise by naming her Brooklyn Lily or Lillian Brooklyn?
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Brooklyn Lillian is clunky, much more so than Lillian Dawn, but it seems the only solution to your problem. Or a variation if you're open to that, like Lila?
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also ...
The hometown connection is weak and convenient, and the baseball connection is even weaker; they haven't been the Brooklyn Dodgers in over fifty years, and trotting them out just looks like you're desperately trying to justify using the name Brooklyn. You don't have to justify it; use it or don't use it.
The hometown connection is weak and convenient, and the baseball connection is even weaker; they haven't been the Brooklyn Dodgers in over fifty years, and trotting them out just looks like you're desperately trying to justify using the name Brooklyn. You don't have to justify it; use it or don't use it.
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Why is it weak and convenient? You’ve never heard of people using place names for their kids? Her Grandfather grew up in Brooklyn and is a proud Brooklynite. Have you have been to Brooklyn or met anyone from there? I dare you to tell them that they are weak and convenient. As for the baseball connection you are wrong. My husband is an Sports announcer for baseball. He has worked for many of the MLB team affiliates in the minor leagues including the Los Angeles Dodgers. My Father in Law went to Ebbets Field to watch the Dodgers play and saw many of the greats including Jackie Robinson! My Dad is Dodger fan (though they were on LA at the time he was growing up.) One last thing, my husband and I met through baseball. Ironically he was working in the Dodgers organization.
Yep, I’m so desperate...Desperate because you don’t like the name Brooklyn? I want to to use it. It honors both her Grandpa’s, is a team DH and I both love and the and has family history. The Dodgers are also how we met.
I just don’t know how to get my husband on board. Waiting until we find out what we’re having to say something. Do you have a suggestion?
Next time please read posts thoroughly so you can be more helpful to others. You don’t have to know peoples back story. All you did was see the name Brooklyn, which you obviously hate, and attacked me for it. That’s not helpful to me. We are all here to help others.
Yep, I’m so desperate...Desperate because you don’t like the name Brooklyn? I want to to use it. It honors both her Grandpa’s, is a team DH and I both love and the and has family history. The Dodgers are also how we met.
I just don’t know how to get my husband on board. Waiting until we find out what we’re having to say something. Do you have a suggestion?
Next time please read posts thoroughly so you can be more helpful to others. You don’t have to know peoples back story. All you did was see the name Brooklyn, which you obviously hate, and attacked me for it. That’s not helpful to me. We are all here to help others.
This message was edited 6/16/2018, 9:48 PM
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This is precisely why we shouldn’t make presumptions until we know the whole story: a clear and meaningful connection to baseball being written off as weak. Makes me think of something an old teacher of mine used to say: “When you assume, you make an ass out of u and me.” Ha.
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I learned that in school from a teacher too haha! I didn’t think it was necessary to go into that much detail about my life....
This message was edited 6/17/2018, 12:00 AM
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Weak and convenient? Wow. I completely disagree. Yeah, she may be looking for justifications beyond “I just like it” — most of us do. But a hometown is extremely meaningful to many people. While I wouldn’t use a name related to my hometown I didn’t like, a hometown connection is a big plus.
I don’t think she’s trying to desperately do anything. She’s looking for meaning in names. We all do that here. It seems like you’re projecting something on her.
I don’t think she’s trying to desperately do anything. She’s looking for meaning in names. We all do that here. It seems like you’re projecting something on her.
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If you don't want two word names together, I wouldn't use Eskenazi; it's basically just a different spelling of Ashkenazi, which is an ethnic group.
At least you've already narrowed down your list to two names?
I'd wait till after the baby is born to make the final decision.
At least you've already narrowed down your list to two names?
I'd wait till after the baby is born to make the final decision.
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You don't need to have just ONE middle name. If Dawn and Lillian and Brooklyn are all important, then I'd consider Brooklyn Lillian Dawn. Provided of course that you husband likes Brooklyn as a first name.
I wouldn't ignore his wishes to honour his mother as it wouldn't be right for him to ignore you wanting to honour your mother. Are there variants he'd consider? Maybe like Liliana "Liana" / "Lia"? That's not as far off as Elizabeth. That is of course if you like "Lia" / "Liana" better than Lilly, otherwise it doesn't solve anything :P
If Brooklyn is a name you already agree on, it's easier to decide on this.
Keep in mind that in your dream you may have heard Brooklyn, bc it was already on your mind. I wouldn't force that down his throat if he doesn't want to. I also think he can't force Lillian as a first name down your throat either. As a middle name is would be a different story.
I wouldn't ignore his wishes to honour his mother as it wouldn't be right for him to ignore you wanting to honour your mother. Are there variants he'd consider? Maybe like Liliana "Liana" / "Lia"? That's not as far off as Elizabeth. That is of course if you like "Lia" / "Liana" better than Lilly, otherwise it doesn't solve anything :P
If Brooklyn is a name you already agree on, it's easier to decide on this.
Keep in mind that in your dream you may have heard Brooklyn, bc it was already on your mind. I wouldn't force that down his throat if he doesn't want to. I also think he can't force Lillian as a first name down your throat either. As a middle name is would be a different story.
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I think you should go with a name you both like, as it's the child of both of you. You shouldn't settle on a name you don't like, or just because you heard the name in a dream.
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Thank you! Just to clarify we both LOVE Brooklyn. I don’t love Lillian. Thanks!
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I agree. Look, I'm a Christian too, but in the few occasions in the Bible where people were told what to name their baby, it was because the name had a specific meaning and the person would have a specific job, of which the parents were told. (John the Baptist and Jesus) Otherwise, he left it up to the parents. Brooklyn doesn't have a very specific meaning, to be honest. Don't give this dream too much meaning. Pick a name you like.
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I think op does really like the name Brooklyn though. Her issue isn’t feeling obligated to use it when she doesn’t want to, it’s really really wanting to use it but not being sure how to get her husband on board.
@op, I have no advice on how to have this conversation with your husband but I think using something like Brooklyn Lillian Dawn would be fine. It might be a little awkward sounding or word heavy but I think honoring important people and using names you love trumps the flow issue.
@op, I have no advice on how to have this conversation with your husband but I think using something like Brooklyn Lillian Dawn would be fine. It might be a little awkward sounding or word heavy but I think honoring important people and using names you love trumps the flow issue.
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Brooklyn Eskenazi is terrible.
I don’t like the name Brooklyn, but I suppose that’s beside the point.
The easiest answer is to name the baby Brooklyn Lillian Dawn. Despite it being not the best combo ever I think it makes everyone happy.
I don’t like the name Brooklyn, but I suppose that’s beside the point.
The easiest answer is to name the baby Brooklyn Lillian Dawn. Despite it being not the best combo ever I think it makes everyone happy.
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I say just chill and think about it, and if you don't insist on anything he can't either. You have a lot of time, and the last thing you need is to make the name a point of argument that will last your whole pregnancy and leave someone feeling slightly bitter on birth day.
No matter what is said now, it's not a done deal. If it comes up, I'd just say, "If it's a girl, I know we were thinking Lillian but I just keep thinking about Brooklyn, I love it so much." - and just see what he says, and don't react to it. I'd just promise to keep thinking about it, and ask him to do the same.
I wouldn't try to make deals over the middle name at this point. Until he signals that he's willing to talk compromise. I'd try to back off and let him consider the possibility of not calling her Lillian after all ... and for myself, accept the possibility of not calling her Brooklyn.
I wouldn't mention the dream. It doesn't give you any leverage and I think it could come off as manipulative.
Eskenazi isn't a very good middle name IMO, nor does it honor his mother in the same way Lillian does.
You could name her Lillian Brooklyn (it does sound nice), and call her Brooklyn. I think it's an appealing option you could think about offering, if he negotiates.
I don't agree that Lilly / Lily is inevitable. You just use Lillian all the time, and voila, you've got it. If someone calls her Lily you say, "we don't use Lily, it's Lillian, same as her dad's ma" and they either comply or they're a jerk. Maybe she'll prefer Lilly someday but by then you'd be too happy to have a growing daughter with her own opinions, to care.
No matter what is said now, it's not a done deal. If it comes up, I'd just say, "If it's a girl, I know we were thinking Lillian but I just keep thinking about Brooklyn, I love it so much." - and just see what he says, and don't react to it. I'd just promise to keep thinking about it, and ask him to do the same.
I wouldn't try to make deals over the middle name at this point. Until he signals that he's willing to talk compromise. I'd try to back off and let him consider the possibility of not calling her Lillian after all ... and for myself, accept the possibility of not calling her Brooklyn.
I wouldn't mention the dream. It doesn't give you any leverage and I think it could come off as manipulative.
Eskenazi isn't a very good middle name IMO, nor does it honor his mother in the same way Lillian does.
You could name her Lillian Brooklyn (it does sound nice), and call her Brooklyn. I think it's an appealing option you could think about offering, if he negotiates.
I don't agree that Lilly / Lily is inevitable. You just use Lillian all the time, and voila, you've got it. If someone calls her Lily you say, "we don't use Lily, it's Lillian, same as her dad's ma" and they either comply or they're a jerk. Maybe she'll prefer Lilly someday but by then you'd be too happy to have a growing daughter with her own opinions, to care.
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The Dream
When I was pregnant with my daughter my phone autocorrected something to Merton. I was newly pregnant - after years of trying - and I thought it was a sign I was going to have a boy and that I should name him Thomas or Merton after Thomas Merton.
I had a girl.
When I was pregnant with my daughter my phone autocorrected something to Merton. I was newly pregnant - after years of trying - and I thought it was a sign I was going to have a boy and that I should name him Thomas or Merton after Thomas Merton.
I had a girl.
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ditto about the dream ...
It's not a good idea to set too much stock in what you see and hear in a dream, even if you think it's God talking to you in a dream. I mean, you have dreams every night, and you don't and shouldn't and wouldn't want to give most of them any particular significance, let alone the kind of weight that leads you to a permanent life decision for somebody else.
It seems you're attaching a lot of weight to this dream because it tells you something you already want to hear. Not saying it's a bad thing, but it's remarkable how much more readily people accept "God's will" when it happens to line up with their own wishes.
It's not a good idea to set too much stock in what you see and hear in a dream, even if you think it's God talking to you in a dream. I mean, you have dreams every night, and you don't and shouldn't and wouldn't want to give most of them any particular significance, let alone the kind of weight that leads you to a permanent life decision for somebody else.
It seems you're attaching a lot of weight to this dream because it tells you something you already want to hear. Not saying it's a bad thing, but it's remarkable how much more readily people accept "God's will" when it happens to line up with their own wishes.
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