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Subject: Re: Does this sound too whiny?
Author: Ottilie   (Authenticated as Ottilie)
Date: January 10, 2013 at 1:58:53 PM
Reply to: Does this sound too whiny? by Julia Elisabeth
I'm with the others - she doesn't sound whiny, but rather vicious.

I know you didn't ask, but I think it could do with being cleaned up a bit. It feels like you're trying to reveal too much all at once and I think there's maybe a little too much speech.

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