How do you mean revealing? I hadn't thought about that and I don't really understand what part of it you mean - could you please give examples? :)
I see what you mean with too much speech, I have got that critique before too and this definitely needs more proofreading and cleaning up. On the other hand, it's written in a very "personal style", I want it to seem like the reader is actually hearing Emma's thoughts, unedited, raw, rambling. But I guess it can be too much of that too.
Thanks again for taking the time to read it and critiquing it!