Yeah, I don't want to seem like it was all bad, definitely not, because I liked almost all of it, but then I thought I had to comment on SOMETHING, because, well, personally I am a big fan of hearing constructive criticism.
Okay, maybe the reader just needs to hear more about Emily - this was after all just a really short paragraph, so I bet there's going to be a lot more on her later!
And I can understand that you want to keep a bit of the mystery and not spend it all on the first page!
Can anyone ever really get over having their parent not love them? Nate is after all still quite young. But that's just a thought. And some people don't show their emotions much at all, or they show their feelings later or in a different way, so after all, Nate's reaction doesn't have to be "wrong". But I just wanted to make you aware of my initial reaction :)
Haha, yeah, when I write, I tend to be too "anti-cliché", like going out of my way to make characters unexpected, but then they become unrealistic... it's a thin line, really!
"I'm not lost, I just want you to find me"
Lost - Six60
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