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HelpRe: Honoring grandma - Janice
in reply to a message by jrs
I'm a firm believer that to honor, one should use the exact name. And I've said so here on the board, in a way that particularly applies to your situation, in that my name is Janice just as is your grandmother's.
I read in your post below that your grandmother is too ill for you to ask her what her preferences are. I also read that you were considering Jane as a middle name as a way to honor her.
I've made at least one post here, maybe more, about how insulted I were to feel if my daughter had a baby girl and came to me and said, "Mom, I wanted to honor you, so her middle name is Jane." I've posted about how, though my name is a form of Jane, my name is not Jane itself--I don't relate to Jane the same way I do with Janice, I don't feel the same frisson of recognition when I see it in print, I don't automatically turn my head when I hear someone say "Jane". Jane is not my name. Neither is Jean or Joan or Janine or Janelle or anything else. All I would hear if my daughter said, "Jane is honoring you" would be "I hate your name too much to use it."
I'm no good at finding old posts, otherwise I'd find it and post the link for you.
Anyway, yes, one of my pet peeves is people who say they want to honor and then bend over backwards trying to find any name other than the name of the person they want to honor and desperately try to find some link between the names. And as a Janice, I can tell you that Jane is not Janice. Oh, and neither is any other name that starts with a J! The fact that two names start with the same letter doesn't make them the same name, and I'm always mystified as to how people think this is honoring. If I wouldn't be happy to hear "Jane is honoring you" let's not even discuss how I would feel hearing "Juliet is honoring you." Um, how exactly?
Anyway if you use Janice as a middle name, to me the second middle name, if there is one, doesn't matter. You've got *Janice* in there, and that's your grandmother's name. Felicity Janice Meriel has very good flow, though.
I read in your post below that your grandmother is too ill for you to ask her what her preferences are. I also read that you were considering Jane as a middle name as a way to honor her.
I've made at least one post here, maybe more, about how insulted I were to feel if my daughter had a baby girl and came to me and said, "Mom, I wanted to honor you, so her middle name is Jane." I've posted about how, though my name is a form of Jane, my name is not Jane itself--I don't relate to Jane the same way I do with Janice, I don't feel the same frisson of recognition when I see it in print, I don't automatically turn my head when I hear someone say "Jane". Jane is not my name. Neither is Jean or Joan or Janine or Janelle or anything else. All I would hear if my daughter said, "Jane is honoring you" would be "I hate your name too much to use it."
I'm no good at finding old posts, otherwise I'd find it and post the link for you.
Anyway, yes, one of my pet peeves is people who say they want to honor and then bend over backwards trying to find any name other than the name of the person they want to honor and desperately try to find some link between the names. And as a Janice, I can tell you that Jane is not Janice. Oh, and neither is any other name that starts with a J! The fact that two names start with the same letter doesn't make them the same name, and I'm always mystified as to how people think this is honoring. If I wouldn't be happy to hear "Jane is honoring you" let's not even discuss how I would feel hearing "Juliet is honoring you." Um, how exactly?
Anyway if you use Janice as a middle name, to me the second middle name, if there is one, doesn't matter. You've got *Janice* in there, and that's your grandmother's name. Felicity Janice Meriel has very good flow, though.
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Replies
Absolutely agree on all counts.
My middle name is Louise because it is honoring a Louise.
This faux honouring business really annoys me. It's just pathetic - either you want to honour someone or you don't.
As I've said before, if someone is very special to you but you absolutely cannot use their name (rhymes with your surname, is the name of your partner's ex wife or something serious) then an alternative is to use that persons favourite name instead, give them naming rights.
In your situation I'd advise Janice. Use Jane if you want, but don't kid yourself that it's honouring.
My middle name is Louise because it is honoring a Louise.
This faux honouring business really annoys me. It's just pathetic - either you want to honour someone or you don't.
As I've said before, if someone is very special to you but you absolutely cannot use their name (rhymes with your surname, is the name of your partner's ex wife or something serious) then an alternative is to use that persons favourite name instead, give them naming rights.
In your situation I'd advise Janice. Use Jane if you want, but don't kid yourself that it's honouring.
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Ditto
I really want to honor my grandmother if/when I have a baby girl, but I dislike her name (Britt). But really, it is my grandmother i want to honor, not her name, So what if I dislike the name? And I would change Britt to Britney or anything if I liked that more (which I don't). Honoring to me is when you use the same name.
I really want to honor my grandmother if/when I have a baby girl, but I dislike her name (Britt). But really, it is my grandmother i want to honor, not her name, So what if I dislike the name? And I would change Britt to Britney or anything if I liked that more (which I don't). Honoring to me is when you use the same name.
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Where are you from?
My husband has a third cousin from Norway named Elsa-Britt, so I'm curious. :)
My husband has a third cousin from Norway named Elsa-Britt, so I'm curious. :)
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Thank you for your help! Yeah, I understand that Juliet wouldn't be honoring her. Of course I think using any J and M name would be a little better than that. I just have to convince my husband to let me use Janice too though.
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My daughter's middle name is Zoe, to honor my mother, whose first name was Zoe, and my grandmother, whose middle name was Zoe. My husband never liked the name Zoe and he never grew to like it, either, even though it was his daughter's middle name. But he understood my desire to honor my mother and grandmother and keep the name in the family. You might try telling your husband that that's one of the things the middle name slot is for---to use a name for honoring purposes that you wouldn't want to use as a first name. After all, most people are not called by their middle names and most people never even know what one's middle name is. But the family knows, and that's what matters.
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