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HelpA little late, but in the interest of balance and to present an opposing viewpoint (m)
in reply to a message by Thojoe Smithinway
Don't change your name. DON'T DO IT. It's disrespectful. It's one of the most disrespectful things one can do to one's parents. And don't bother coming back and saying my parents don't care because I won't buy it and don't bother coming back and saying it's my right because I don't care. It's disrespectful.
There's not one darn thing wrong with your name, certainly nothing that a reasonable person would see as a reason for change.
There's not one darn thing wrong with your name, certainly nothing that a reasonable person would see as a reason for change.
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No. There certainly comes a point when people should stop taking dictations from their parents and go their own way. It is a clear personal freedom and a choice we enjoy as adults, and the law reflects this freedom.
If someone doesn't like the name their parents chose for them (and parents choose horrid names on a daily basis, as we all know), and said person finds said name not resonant with their own taste or that it bothers them in some way, I say change it and be free. We all deserve to be happy, even despite our parents.
What would you say to a person who was transgender? Keep their original assigned name just to please their parents? No. That would be absurd. It wouldn't fit their self-identification. But one does not have to change their gender to change their name -- they simply have to want the change.
It is not good of you to make this person feel bad about exercising his freedom. You're exhibiting behavior of someone who is controlling, self-centered, and narrow-minded.
If someone doesn't like the name their parents chose for them (and parents choose horrid names on a daily basis, as we all know), and said person finds said name not resonant with their own taste or that it bothers them in some way, I say change it and be free. We all deserve to be happy, even despite our parents.
What would you say to a person who was transgender? Keep their original assigned name just to please their parents? No. That would be absurd. It wouldn't fit their self-identification. But one does not have to change their gender to change their name -- they simply have to want the change.
It is not good of you to make this person feel bad about exercising his freedom. You're exhibiting behavior of someone who is controlling, self-centered, and narrow-minded.
This message was edited 4/1/2015, 3:19 AM
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LOL. You don't know me very well, do you? As a person, and especially as a parent, I'm as far from "controlling, self-centered, and narrow-minded" as it's possible to be. But the thing is, I am a parent, and you are not. I have the experience of creating and raising two human beings, and I know the love and the joy and the pride and the hopes and the dreams, and also the fears, the worries, the sacrifices, the times when one feels burdened, the struggle to maintain the relationship with the other parent that existed before the children were born. And as a parent, I say that the right to name your newborn child is one of the privileges of parenthood that can certainly legally be cast aside by the child, (and I wouldn't change that) but to do so is supremely disrespectful. And I don't pretend to speak for all parents, but I do speak for some, from the perspective of a parent, which is something that you just plain can't do. And as such, I couldn't care less about your judgments.
In the case of transgender people, I would consider that an extreme case, which, since only .3% of the population is transgender, it really is.
In the case of transgender people, I would consider that an extreme case, which, since only .3% of the population is transgender, it really is.
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Disrespectful? It's disrespectful of the parents to enforce a name their child doesn't like. Names are a very personal thing.
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No, you are wrong. I'm usually the first to object to parents attempting to enforce beliefs and attitudes onto their grown children and the first to object to parents not respecting the fact that their children may have grown up to not be clones of themselves. But this is different. There are many responsibilities and sacrifices involved with being a parent, as well as the joys. One of the privileges of parenthood is to name the child, and it's extremely disrespectful of the child, a person who would not exist if not for the sacrifices made by the parents, to take that privilege away, unless it's an extreme case.
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... I wont say that my parents would't care, then, but I can say that if my kids decide to change their names when they're older I would not be offended. I would not feel like they were disrespecting me, and I definitely wouldn't think it was one of the most disrespectful things they could do! I can think of many, many worse.
It's possibly a culture thing, I don't know. But I wanted to say so, because you said so strongly you wouldn't believe it if he said his parents didn't care. Maybe his parents don't care. Because as a parent, I wouldn't.
It's possibly a culture thing, I don't know. But I wanted to say so, because you said so strongly you wouldn't believe it if he said his parents didn't care. Maybe his parents don't care. Because as a parent, I wouldn't.
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I'm not a mother, but I can't imagine not caring at least a little bit if my kid wanted to change their name. I don't think I would "plotz and die", but I would be lying if I said it wouldn't bother me at all. Calling my kid by a completely different name all of a sudden would be weird.
This message was edited 3/29/2015, 1:53 PM
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I would plotz and die if my kids changed their names. And if my son ever changed his name, my husband would roll over in his grave.
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Wow. This is so interesting to me! I'm glad you said something. It's not a thing I ever thought was might be different anywhere. Thanks (:
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