you are absolutely right! This way to call a woman "Mrs. PETER Smith" sounds extremely old fashioned and unfair (at least to someone living in Northern Europe). I remember that I was very surprised when I first heard about it (I guess it was in an American movie...).
Here (I can only speak for Scandinavia and Germany) the married couple can decide which surname they would like to keep.
Maria Nilsson and Per Jansson can be 1) Maria & Åke Nilsson 2) Maria & Åke Jansson 3) Maria Nilsson & Åke Jansson after their marriage. But you won't ever call Maria "fru Åke Nilsson", that would sound as crazy as "herr Maria Jansson".
There's even the possibility of double names (which I don't like at all by the way)