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HelpAntonia doesn't have to be Toni (carry it on)
Inspired by my sister's friend at university who only ever goes by Antonia, ever.
I know when naming a baby a lot of people consider the potential nicknames of name and sometimes chuck names onto the 'no' pile based solely on the possibility of it having "that" nickname.
So let's discuss some names where that isn't the case, they can be your favourite names that you're hoping won't grow into the dreaded nickname, names you've used and are making sure they aren't, or names of friends and family that you know from experience the nickname isn't hasn't come to fruition.
Antonia doesn't have to be Toni
Alexandra doesn't have to be Alex
Isabelle doesn't have to be Izzy
Samuel doesn't have to be Sam
Florence doesn't have to be Flo
Matilda doesn't have to be Tilly
78 names ~~
https://www.behindthename.com/pnl/117870?sort=gender&pop=ew
^Top = Alexei (m) // Bottom = Indiana (m)
*Loads unrated*
I know when naming a baby a lot of people consider the potential nicknames of name and sometimes chuck names onto the 'no' pile based solely on the possibility of it having "that" nickname.
So let's discuss some names where that isn't the case, they can be your favourite names that you're hoping won't grow into the dreaded nickname, names you've used and are making sure they aren't, or names of friends and family that you know from experience the nickname isn't hasn't come to fruition.
Antonia doesn't have to be Toni
Alexandra doesn't have to be Alex
Isabelle doesn't have to be Izzy
Samuel doesn't have to be Sam
Florence doesn't have to be Flo
Matilda doesn't have to be Tilly
78 names ~~
https://www.behindthename.com/pnl/117870?sort=gender&pop=ew
^Top = Alexei (m) // Bottom = Indiana (m)
*Loads unrated*
Archived Thread - replies disabled
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Replies
Madeleine doesn't have to be Maddie
Alexis doesn't have to be Lexi
Victoria doesn't have to be Tori
Abigail doesn't have to be Abby
Jasmine doesn't have to be Jazz
Caroline doesn't have to be Carrie
Katherine doesn't have to be Kate, Kat, Kathy, Katie, Kit, Kitty, etc.
Elizabeth doesn't have to be Ellie, Eliza, Liz, Lizzie, Lisa, Elle, Betty, Beth, Buffy, Bette, etc.
Veronica doesn't have to be Ronni, or Nikki
Danielle doesn't have to be Dani
Isabella doesn't have to be Bella or Izzy
Breanna doesn't have to be Bre
Margaret doesn't have to be Maggie, Meg, Meggy, Greta, Margie, Marge, or Maisie
Alexis doesn't have to be Lexi
Victoria doesn't have to be Tori
Abigail doesn't have to be Abby
Jasmine doesn't have to be Jazz
Caroline doesn't have to be Carrie
Katherine doesn't have to be Kate, Kat, Kathy, Katie, Kit, Kitty, etc.
Elizabeth doesn't have to be Ellie, Eliza, Liz, Lizzie, Lisa, Elle, Betty, Beth, Buffy, Bette, etc.
Veronica doesn't have to be Ronni, or Nikki
Danielle doesn't have to be Dani
Isabella doesn't have to be Bella or Izzy
Breanna doesn't have to be Bre
Margaret doesn't have to be Maggie, Meg, Meggy, Greta, Margie, Marge, or Maisie
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No one should ever suffer a name to be different than the name s/he provides. If the parent guardian is the name giver--and the child seems to respond, or prefer, one version better than another - cannot this child / person use it?
Sadly, not necessarily. People often allow themselves liberties based upon common knowledge - which little involves individual preference.
The following is a fictitious set of possibilities - some or all of this quite probably occurs more often than anyone can know.
If my name were Samantha but prefer, Sam, and were only addressed as Samantha when parents were upset or trying to scold or punish me, should the parent/guardian have the right to call me Samantha?
Suddenly I am in school (kindergarten?): a teacher decides not to address me as Sam, which I prefer, but Samantha, because there is another Samantha (or Samuel) in the same class who has already been deemed the name Sam. Sadly - the teacher will call me as s/he prefers in any situation. Isn't this sad?
As I grow I seem to prefer the name Samantha - but after working so (damn) hard for folks to address me as Sam, I learned to enjoy the "more serious" connotation of the formal name. So now that I am an adult, I am in the working world. I want to be Samantha (not Sam). Unfortunately for me, another Samantha, who joined the company prior to me has already been deemed that name. So I am Sam - yet eventually, the other Samantha moves on to another position, and I am stuck with the name Sam - yet this little involves me, my person, or my preference.
Sadly, not necessarily. People often allow themselves liberties based upon common knowledge - which little involves individual preference.
The following is a fictitious set of possibilities - some or all of this quite probably occurs more often than anyone can know.
If my name were Samantha but prefer, Sam, and were only addressed as Samantha when parents were upset or trying to scold or punish me, should the parent/guardian have the right to call me Samantha?
Suddenly I am in school (kindergarten?): a teacher decides not to address me as Sam, which I prefer, but Samantha, because there is another Samantha (or Samuel) in the same class who has already been deemed the name Sam. Sadly - the teacher will call me as s/he prefers in any situation. Isn't this sad?
As I grow I seem to prefer the name Samantha - but after working so (damn) hard for folks to address me as Sam, I learned to enjoy the "more serious" connotation of the formal name. So now that I am an adult, I am in the working world. I want to be Samantha (not Sam). Unfortunately for me, another Samantha, who joined the company prior to me has already been deemed that name. So I am Sam - yet eventually, the other Samantha moves on to another position, and I am stuck with the name Sam - yet this little involves me, my person, or my preference.
This message was edited 4/22/2018, 1:58 AM
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This was really interesting to read and I feel drawn to the middle part of your hypothetical scenario since I am a teacher myself.
When I first met my class of kids back in September, I made a point of asking everyone what they preferred to be called (even Grace - nickname proof? - but she might have preferred Gracie.) They're still young, I teach YEAR 2 where they are 6 and turn 7 whilst with me and most of them just shrugged, they haven't figured out that part of their identity yet.
But I'm naturally someone who shortens names, especially in the busy rush of a classroom, Kodi becomes Kode, Abigail becomes Abs (not even Abi sometimes) etc etc. Of course I make sure the children are happy with that, and many of my kids are very fluid anyway, but sometimes I just can't help myself!
Where I don't find myself shortening names is with double-barrelled first names. I have a Tia-Lilly and a Sophie-Rose, that is what I call these girls 90% of the time. Daniella-Mai however, I struggle with (it's a mouthful!), but she came to me as "Dani" and that is what she is called by classmates and other teachers.
When I first met my class of kids back in September, I made a point of asking everyone what they preferred to be called (even Grace - nickname proof? - but she might have preferred Gracie.) They're still young, I teach YEAR 2 where they are 6 and turn 7 whilst with me and most of them just shrugged, they haven't figured out that part of their identity yet.
But I'm naturally someone who shortens names, especially in the busy rush of a classroom, Kodi becomes Kode, Abigail becomes Abs (not even Abi sometimes) etc etc. Of course I make sure the children are happy with that, and many of my kids are very fluid anyway, but sometimes I just can't help myself!
Where I don't find myself shortening names is with double-barrelled first names. I have a Tia-Lilly and a Sophie-Rose, that is what I call these girls 90% of the time. Daniella-Mai however, I struggle with (it's a mouthful!), but she came to me as "Dani" and that is what she is called by classmates and other teachers.
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This is a great post (I mean your original query & subsequent response - really this entire thread).
I am not a teacher, but I have great respect and admiration for what teachers do - the depth of responsibility, and more importantly - the choice to dedicate one's life to the education & fostering of children.
It is not a "big-deal" to shorten names, especially when this occurs during a conversation. I despise the name "Barb" - yet I don't mind at all if someone in the midst of a conversation with another person (perhaps at work or something) says "Barb already took care of that, so why don't you take care of (whatever)". I would not find any disrespect in such a scenario. No-one needs to stop a train of thought to flatter my personal preference. I am not that important - and honestly, I wouldn't want that much attention. To me, it would be a notion of peculiar vanity, or mere pettiness, to hold such an intricate detail as worthy of address. Half of the people named Barbara like to be called Barb - Samantha or Samuel, Sam; William, Will, Bill or Billy. Using other forms of a name is also normal and natural. I can absolutely respect that you have a classroom of children & are judged on each child's ability to learn & grow. At the same time it is wonderful that you offer that much consideration to each child.
I am not a teacher, but I have great respect and admiration for what teachers do - the depth of responsibility, and more importantly - the choice to dedicate one's life to the education & fostering of children.
It is not a "big-deal" to shorten names, especially when this occurs during a conversation. I despise the name "Barb" - yet I don't mind at all if someone in the midst of a conversation with another person (perhaps at work or something) says "Barb already took care of that, so why don't you take care of (whatever)". I would not find any disrespect in such a scenario. No-one needs to stop a train of thought to flatter my personal preference. I am not that important - and honestly, I wouldn't want that much attention. To me, it would be a notion of peculiar vanity, or mere pettiness, to hold such an intricate detail as worthy of address. Half of the people named Barbara like to be called Barb - Samantha or Samuel, Sam; William, Will, Bill or Billy. Using other forms of a name is also normal and natural. I can absolutely respect that you have a classroom of children & are judged on each child's ability to learn & grow. At the same time it is wonderful that you offer that much consideration to each child.
This message was edited 4/22/2018, 8:17 AM
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Michael doesn't have to be Mike. I have a friend named Michael and he *hates* being called Mike and always makes it clear that he's just Michael. People listen to him because, well, most people are respectfull
It also makes me think of my own name. Cayden doesn't have to be Cady or Cay. I've always really disliked being called Cady / Cay and have started going by my full first name, and it's honestly been liberating.
It also makes me think of my own name. Cayden doesn't have to be Cady or Cay. I've always really disliked being called Cady / Cay and have started going by my full first name, and it's honestly been liberating.
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Catherine doesn’t have to be Cate, Catie, or Cathy
Elizabeth doesn’t have to be Lizzie, Liz, Lisa, or Beth
My best friend is named Catherine and has never gone by anything else. We’re young too, 18. I love her name!
On the contrary, her younger sister Elizabeth insisted of going by a nickname when she was in about 3rd or 4th grade. Her parents HATED it but ultimately decided that Lisa was fine. Her parents still mostly call her Elizabeth but her sister calls her Lisa (unless she’s mad!).
Elizabeth doesn’t have to be Lizzie, Liz, Lisa, or Beth
My best friend is named Catherine and has never gone by anything else. We’re young too, 18. I love her name!
On the contrary, her younger sister Elizabeth insisted of going by a nickname when she was in about 3rd or 4th grade. Her parents HATED it but ultimately decided that Lisa was fine. Her parents still mostly call her Elizabeth but her sister calls her Lisa (unless she’s mad!).
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Abigail doesn't have to be Abby
Thomas doesn't have to be Tom (though I'm not sure I've ever met a Thomas who went by Tom)
Frederick doesn't have to be Fred
William doesn't have to be Will
Richard doesn't have to be Rick
However, are there really many, Izzy's Tilly's and Flo's around? those nicknames feel really dated.
Thomas doesn't have to be Tom (though I'm not sure I've ever met a Thomas who went by Tom)
Frederick doesn't have to be Fred
William doesn't have to be Will
Richard doesn't have to be Rick
However, are there really many, Izzy's Tilly's and Flo's around? those nicknames feel really dated.
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I have a Florrie in my class, early on she asked to go by Flo so I interchange them now. If I'm in a rush and writing unofficial documents, I'll write Flo on them and usually call her out on the register as Flo.
I don't think I've met a Tilly who has a longer name on her birth certificate. Most of the ones I see or hear about are Tilly (or more likely Tillie) in their own right.
In my maths class I have an Isabelle, Isabel and Isabella. To differentiate I kept Isabelle the same but shorten Isabel to Izzy (she doesn't mind) and leave Isabella alone although I do feel myself wanting to shorten it because it's such a mouthful IRL!
I think "dated" nicknames are much more common in England, whether they're on the birth certificate or used as a pet form.
I don't think I've met a Tilly who has a longer name on her birth certificate. Most of the ones I see or hear about are Tilly (or more likely Tillie) in their own right.
In my maths class I have an Isabelle, Isabel and Isabella. To differentiate I kept Isabelle the same but shorten Isabel to Izzy (she doesn't mind) and leave Isabella alone although I do feel myself wanting to shorten it because it's such a mouthful IRL!
I think "dated" nicknames are much more common in England, whether they're on the birth certificate or used as a pet form.
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I've actually only known one Antonia and she was called Annie.
James isn't Jim anymore (older Jameses seem to always be Jim, younger ones I've met are all James or Jamie or very rarely Jimmy)
Elizabeth usually isn't Elizabeth but there are so many options that no one nickname is inevitable
Bethany isn't Beth
Jonathan isn't always Jon or Jonny
Nathan isn't always Nate (but Nathaniel is)
Jessica isn't always Jess or Jessie
James isn't Jim anymore (older Jameses seem to always be Jim, younger ones I've met are all James or Jamie or very rarely Jimmy)
Elizabeth usually isn't Elizabeth but there are so many options that no one nickname is inevitable
Bethany isn't Beth
Jonathan isn't always Jon or Jonny
Nathan isn't always Nate (but Nathaniel is)
Jessica isn't always Jess or Jessie
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Charles doesn't have to be Charlie
Frances doesn't have to be Fran
David doesn't have to be Dave (I know 3 Davids, and they're all David)
James doesn't have to be Jamie or Jim
Richard doesn't have to be Rich or Rick
William doesn't have to be Will or Bill
Charlotte doesn't have to be Charlie or Lottie
Florence doesn't have to be Flo or Flossie
Constantia doesn't have to be Connie (and would probably damage you if you tried)
Angharad doesn't have to be Harry (although many of them are)
Caroline doesn't have to be Carrie or Caro
Nicole and Nicola don't have to be Nicky
...but I've never met a Joshua who wasn't Josh, or a Samuel who wasn't Sam, or an Alexander who wasn't Alex, Sandy or Alec, or (sadly) an Oliver under 40 who wasn't Ollie or other spelling.
Frances doesn't have to be Fran
David doesn't have to be Dave (I know 3 Davids, and they're all David)
James doesn't have to be Jamie or Jim
Richard doesn't have to be Rich or Rick
William doesn't have to be Will or Bill
Charlotte doesn't have to be Charlie or Lottie
Florence doesn't have to be Flo or Flossie
Constantia doesn't have to be Connie (and would probably damage you if you tried)
Angharad doesn't have to be Harry (although many of them are)
Caroline doesn't have to be Carrie or Caro
Nicole and Nicola don't have to be Nicky
...but I've never met a Joshua who wasn't Josh, or a Samuel who wasn't Sam, or an Alexander who wasn't Alex, Sandy or Alec, or (sadly) an Oliver under 40 who wasn't Ollie or other spelling.
This message was edited 4/21/2018, 1:31 PM
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I've known Antonias, Alexandras, Matildas, Isabelles and Florences that have just been that, their full names. However, I've also known Toni, Lex, Lexi, Sandy, Ola, Izzie, Bella, Isa, Flossie, Tilly and Tilda, so it's very much up to an individual. I've never yet come across a Samuel that isn't shortened to Sam, though, not to say they aren't out there.
Some others from experience:
Victoria doesn't have to be Vicky
Elizabeth doesn't have to be Liz
Katherine doesn't have to be Kate
Abigail doesn't have to be Abbie
Charlotte doesn't have to be Lottie
Jessica doesn't have to be Jess
Rebecca doesn't have to be Becky
Francesca doesn't have to be Frankie
Madeline doesn't have to be Maddy
Ellen doesn't have to be Ellie
Margaret doesn't have to be Maggie
Edward doesn't have to be Ed
Benjamin doesn't have to be Ben
Matthew doesn't have to be Matt
Jacob doesn't have to be Jake
Robert doesn't have to be Rob
Nathaniel doesn't have to be Nate
Andrew doesn't have to be Andy
Some others from experience:
Victoria doesn't have to be Vicky
Elizabeth doesn't have to be Liz
Katherine doesn't have to be Kate
Abigail doesn't have to be Abbie
Charlotte doesn't have to be Lottie
Jessica doesn't have to be Jess
Rebecca doesn't have to be Becky
Francesca doesn't have to be Frankie
Madeline doesn't have to be Maddy
Ellen doesn't have to be Ellie
Margaret doesn't have to be Maggie
Edward doesn't have to be Ed
Benjamin doesn't have to be Ben
Matthew doesn't have to be Matt
Jacob doesn't have to be Jake
Robert doesn't have to be Rob
Nathaniel doesn't have to be Nate
Andrew doesn't have to be Andy
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Deborah doesn't have to be Deb / Debbie
Jacob doesn't have to be Jake
Michael doesn't have to be Mike
Steven doesn't have to be Steve
Cameron doesn't have to be Cam
Margaret doesn't have to be Maggie
On the other hand, there are several names where I've known more than three bearers who have all gone by the common nickname and where I've never known someone to go by the full name:
Gabrielle always seems to be Gabby
Gabriel always seems to be Gabe
Christopher always seems to be Chris
Rebecca always seems to be Becca
William always seems to be Will
Joshua always seems to be Josh - although I know one who went by "Shua" (pronounced SHWAH)
Jacob doesn't have to be Jake
Michael doesn't have to be Mike
Steven doesn't have to be Steve
Cameron doesn't have to be Cam
Margaret doesn't have to be Maggie
On the other hand, there are several names where I've known more than three bearers who have all gone by the common nickname and where I've never known someone to go by the full name:
Gabrielle always seems to be Gabby
Gabriel always seems to be Gabe
Christopher always seems to be Chris
Rebecca always seems to be Becca
William always seems to be Will
Joshua always seems to be Josh - although I know one who went by "Shua" (pronounced SHWAH)
This message was edited 4/21/2018, 11:23 AM
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I have a cousin and a second cousin once removed (I think...I consider them all cousins because our family is so close) called Christopher and they both do get Christopher a lot but one is Chris and one is Toff.
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I find regional differences in the nicknames for Rebecca to be interesting. Rebecca was quite popular in my age group (at least in the schools I attended) when I was growing up. All of them were Bec/Beck or Bex/Becs/Becks...they maybe got Becky occasionally from their mother or something as a cutesy informal nickname but I never knew a Rebecca that went by Becca or Becky until the first time I lived in the US in 2008. I prefer Becca to Bec personally but I'd never come across it among all the Rebeccas that I have known in Australia.
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I was thinking about this the other day for some reason. When I was a child Becky was the obvious nickname for Rebecca, but by the time I got into my teens/early 20s, I noticed lots of Rebeccas were being called Bex / Becks. This would be late '90s. It's around the same time that Catherines started being called Cat.
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I’m a Margaret who’s eschewed nicknames most of my life, so that’s my best example. Some members of my family call me Maggie, and when I was in middle and high school a lot of my friends called me Margie, but most people have no issue with the no nickname thing. I do remember I boy at my middle school, though, who asked to be called Joseph but was called Joe by everyone anyway. Worse, he was actually called “little Joe” - he was very short - to distinguish him from the other Joe in our grade. Poor kid.
Also knew a Veronica who was just Veronica. That’s one I constantly see people declare unusable, because of the nicknames, but the full name works perfectly fine irl.
I think the main concern with giving a name that has nicknames you hate would be the child actually choosing to go by one of those nicknames rather than having it forced into them by others. You can’t really fight that.
Also knew a Veronica who was just Veronica. That’s one I constantly see people declare unusable, because of the nicknames, but the full name works perfectly fine irl.
I think the main concern with giving a name that has nicknames you hate would be the child actually choosing to go by one of those nicknames rather than having it forced into them by others. You can’t really fight that.
This message was edited 4/21/2018, 11:21 AM
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Rebecca doesn't have to be Becky or Becca. When I was little most Rebeccas I knew, whatever their age, were called Becky, but as I've grown up it seems more popular and less unusual for them to just be Rebecca.
Kimberly doesn't have to be Kim. But most of them are. My brother-in-law's sister (does that make her my SIL? I don't think so but it feels like it should.) is Kimberly and her parents never called her Kim. Some of her friends do, but her family and most of her friends just say Kimberly.
Likewise, Anthony; most are Tony, but it's not unusual to see one just called Anthony. One of BIL's brothers is Anthony and he is never called Tony, so far as I know.
Kimberly doesn't have to be Kim. But most of them are. My brother-in-law's sister (does that make her my SIL? I don't think so but it feels like it should.) is Kimberly and her parents never called her Kim. Some of her friends do, but her family and most of her friends just say Kimberly.
Likewise, Anthony; most are Tony, but it's not unusual to see one just called Anthony. One of BIL's brothers is Anthony and he is never called Tony, so far as I know.
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My brother is an Anthony and I know all the adults dreaded the possibility of Tony, as that was the default for every Anthony they had grown up with. By the time he was born, Tony was kind of dated anyway. I started calling him Ant and that caught on but he's called Anthony somewhat regularly too and he introduces himself to people as Anthony (I think). Most of the Anthonys around his age group are "just Anthony" though...he has a couple of friends with the name and none are Tony.
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I think every Gabriela I have known has gone by Gaby/Gabby.
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Really? I think I’ve known a pretty even split of Gabby’s and Gabriella’s.
This message was edited 4/21/2018, 11:07 AM
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I've met several Gabrielas, and they've all gone by Gaby. And, they were all coworkers. Weird.
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Yeah, all the Gabriellas and Gabrielles that I have known have got Gabby as a nickname, at least some of the time. One of my good friends is Gabriella and her mother didn't like Gabby and always called her 'Bels' as a nickname but she got Gabby at school and when I met her, she introduced herself as Gabriella and within a few hours she was asked if she minded Gabby and she said most people call her that and then she's been Gabby to me ever since.
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I've seen a lot of people on here say, "I know a (Name) who is never called (Nickname), but always the full (Name), so it's not inevitable."
My experience has been the opposite. I've known people who absolutely insist on shortening a name no matter what the bearer of the name wants. So even though they may be known as Full Name to most people, they aren't to everyone.
And it's not as big a deal as it sounds and not as rude as it sounds.
Anyway, that's why I'm in the "If there is any possible nickname that you despise, better forget it" camp.
My experience has been the opposite. I've known people who absolutely insist on shortening a name no matter what the bearer of the name wants. So even though they may be known as Full Name to most people, they aren't to everyone.
And it's not as big a deal as it sounds and not as rude as it sounds.
Anyway, that's why I'm in the "If there is any possible nickname that you despise, better forget it" camp.
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"I've known people who absolutely insist on shortening a name no matter what the bearer of the name wants."
Yup, I deal with this a lot. However, I've noticed the people that do this are very different from those that ask if you are okay with a nickname. The latter seems to care about me more as a person and respect my wishes.
Yup, I deal with this a lot. However, I've noticed the people that do this are very different from those that ask if you are okay with a nickname. The latter seems to care about me more as a person and respect my wishes.
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I actually had the exact opposite problem. I'm a transguy who was born with the name Jasmine. Clearly I hated it's femininity, so I told everyone to just call me Jay. It worked, nearly all of my classmates and teachers called me Jay. Except for a handful of students and two teachers. I wrote Jay on everything. Papers, assignments, permission slips, and yet they'd still read out Jasmine. It was ridiculous, but this was the same teacher who wrote Merry Christmas at the top of my essay about not celebrating Christmas so.
One kid found some hilarious joke in calling me the dreaded name. He'd always see me in the hallways or in band and smile and wave, going 'Hey Jasmine, how's it going JASMINE' and no matter the amount of times I told him not to, he did it anyways and laughed. His reasoning was that 'Jay isn't your real name, Jasmine is'
So I started calling him Samuel instead of Sam. He didn't like it and told me to stop, when I laughed and said 'Silly you, Sam isn't your real name, Samuel is!' He argued that it 'isn't the same because Sam is a common nickname for Samuel'
He didn't talk to me anymore and I graduated last year and I got the last laugh.
One kid found some hilarious joke in calling me the dreaded name. He'd always see me in the hallways or in band and smile and wave, going 'Hey Jasmine, how's it going JASMINE' and no matter the amount of times I told him not to, he did it anyways and laughed. His reasoning was that 'Jay isn't your real name, Jasmine is'
So I started calling him Samuel instead of Sam. He didn't like it and told me to stop, when I laughed and said 'Silly you, Sam isn't your real name, Samuel is!' He argued that it 'isn't the same because Sam is a common nickname for Samuel'
He didn't talk to me anymore and I graduated last year and I got the last laugh.
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Or your kid likes the nickname you hate!
My cousin is Patrick and both of his parents hate 'Pat' but he went by Pat with his friends from basically the moment he started primary/elementary school because he didn't mind it at all (probably liked it even?) and that was that. My Aunt and Uncle still hate it and they will always call him Patrick and my Aunt says she still inwardly cringes even 27 years later now when a friend of his in their small town runs into her and is like, "Hey, you're Pat's mum!" She doesn't say or do anything but I think she tried to tell Patrick early on that he was "not Pat" and then realized she was fighting a losing battle. To Patrick's credit, he never insisted that his parents call him 'Pat'. In our family, us 'young ones' call him Pat occasionally but to most of the family he is exclusively Patrick...however, outside our family (professionally, in social groups, to school teachers back when in school) he is exclusively Pat.
ETA: I've seen this a number of times and that is why I am also in the camp of "if you really cannot stand a popular nickname for a name, then don't use the name."
My cousin is Patrick and both of his parents hate 'Pat' but he went by Pat with his friends from basically the moment he started primary/elementary school because he didn't mind it at all (probably liked it even?) and that was that. My Aunt and Uncle still hate it and they will always call him Patrick and my Aunt says she still inwardly cringes even 27 years later now when a friend of his in their small town runs into her and is like, "Hey, you're Pat's mum!" She doesn't say or do anything but I think she tried to tell Patrick early on that he was "not Pat" and then realized she was fighting a losing battle. To Patrick's credit, he never insisted that his parents call him 'Pat'. In our family, us 'young ones' call him Pat occasionally but to most of the family he is exclusively Patrick...however, outside our family (professionally, in social groups, to school teachers back when in school) he is exclusively Pat.
ETA: I've seen this a number of times and that is why I am also in the camp of "if you really cannot stand a popular nickname for a name, then don't use the name."
This message was edited 4/21/2018, 12:11 PM
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Absolutely - I just read this now after my own response
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Right? I've also seen on this site "what if they change their nickname as an adult" but they could easily change it as a kid too. My younger sibling changed from a nickname to a full name at 3. People literally just stop responding to any name other than the one they like (unless they like multiple names/nicknames).
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I am also in that camp. I would never use a full name I hate the nicknames for, for the reason you gave, here. I would have to love EVERYTHING about a name in order to use it in real life.
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I'm even okay with not loving all of the nicknames but as long as I don't absolutely hate any of them. I think you need to be far more aware of this though if you plan to never use a nickname yourself, as my Aunt and Uncle did with Patrick. Pat and Paddy are both common nicknames. We already had a Paddy in our family given that my family had recently immigrated from Ireland, and even then Paddy was the less likely of the two options in Australia in the 80s and 90s. You're more likely to avoid an unwanted nickname if you get ahead if it by picking one yourself and I will likely do that with hypothetical kids because I'm a nickname kind of person. If you hate Allie or Alex for a girl and you choose Alexandra and then nickname her Lexi, I think you have a better chance of avoiding Allie and Alex than if you insist on her being always called Alexandra.
I love Margaret and it's a family name and my favorite nickname is Greta. My great-grandma was Margaret "Madge" and I think Madge is revolting. But I'd be fine with Maggie or Meg, which are probably the most likely nicknames currently for Margaret. I don't love them but I'd get used to them. I also love the names Alexandra and Charlotte. For Alexandra, I'm lukewarm on Alex for a girl (I prefer it for a boy) and I hate Lexi, Lex, Allie etc.
I love Margaret and it's a family name and my favorite nickname is Greta. My great-grandma was Margaret "Madge" and I think Madge is revolting. But I'd be fine with Maggie or Meg, which are probably the most likely nicknames currently for Margaret. I don't love them but I'd get used to them. I also love the names Alexandra and Charlotte. For Alexandra, I'm lukewarm on Alex for a girl (I prefer it for a boy) and I hate Lexi, Lex, Allie etc.
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Yes, and I've recounted my "Husband decided to call himself Jim and mother-in-law hated it" story countless times already.
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Yep :)
Just don't do it if you hate a nickname, especially if that nickname is 'in fashion' when you have your son. Jim was definitely the go-to nickname for James when your husband was growing up.
I don't think a hatred of Bill should turn someone off using William currently but if you hate Will and want to avoid it, I'd steer clear of William. Of course, these things change and there is always a small chance of any of the nicknames! This is just like I wouldn't fear a little girl called Margaret would get Peggy or Peg these days unless it was chosen by their parents...but if you were completely opposed to Maggie, which is currently more popular...it might be best to not use Margaret.
Just don't do it if you hate a nickname, especially if that nickname is 'in fashion' when you have your son. Jim was definitely the go-to nickname for James when your husband was growing up.
I don't think a hatred of Bill should turn someone off using William currently but if you hate Will and want to avoid it, I'd steer clear of William. Of course, these things change and there is always a small chance of any of the nicknames! This is just like I wouldn't fear a little girl called Margaret would get Peggy or Peg these days unless it was chosen by their parents...but if you were completely opposed to Maggie, which is currently more popular...it might be best to not use Margaret.
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Very true.
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All of this.
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True story: in the town where I live, someone named Deborah started a new job (old but true story!) and was introduced to all her new colleagues by her full name. One of them, a senior and therefore powerful woman, got up to welcome her and called her Debby. Deborah corrected her politely but still in front of the entire staff. The temperature dropped. A few months later she was fired on a trumped-up charge, which - she said - saved her the trouble of walking out.
Moral: people who insist on shortening names regardless can be very defensive of their 'rights'.
Corollary: I don't know if anyone ever used Debby again in that workplace!
Moral: people who insist on shortening names regardless can be very defensive of their 'rights'.
Corollary: I don't know if anyone ever used Debby again in that workplace!
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I think it is rude to call someone a name they don't like, and never go by.
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I think it's a little rude to shorten without permission. It's very rude to continue to do so if you've been corrected. I had a rather bad fight with my brother when he continued to insist on calling John "Jackie" after he said he didn't like that name. It ended up becoming a discussion of respect and values and how incompatible our thoughts on them are, even though the name thing seems small.
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Exactly. People tend to shorten my name and it drives me nuts. Call someone by the name with which they introduce themselves. It's basic respect.
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Completely agree.
At my old job a new kitchen assistant asked my name (after being told it several times), so I said “it’s ____” so he thought it was clever to call me “s-____” and absolutely refused to stop. So I just never answered him.
There are only three people I let use a nickname for me, mother’s best friend, boyfriend’s dad and his partner. The former doesn’t know the latter two but they all call me the same nickname, which actually I don’t think is that intuitive. I have my reasons for letting them all do it, mostly that I’m fond of them, but I don’t think I’d let anyone else.
At my old job a new kitchen assistant asked my name (after being told it several times), so I said “it’s ____” so he thought it was clever to call me “s-____” and absolutely refused to stop. So I just never answered him.
There are only three people I let use a nickname for me, mother’s best friend, boyfriend’s dad and his partner. The former doesn’t know the latter two but they all call me the same nickname, which actually I don’t think is that intuitive. I have my reasons for letting them all do it, mostly that I’m fond of them, but I don’t think I’d let anyone else.
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agree
Especially if they've said straight out what they want to be called. There's some leeway for parents or close family or friends, in private anyway, but I think it's the height of disrespect to ignore somebody's wishes about use of a nn or not.
Especially if they've said straight out what they want to be called. There's some leeway for parents or close family or friends, in private anyway, but I think it's the height of disrespect to ignore somebody's wishes about use of a nn or not.
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Oh, I don't know. My sister's first husband used to call me Janno, which I hated, but I knew he meant it as an endearment.
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It totally depends on your relationship with the person!
If they're someone you trust isn't trying to dominate you by creating fake familiarity, but is really just being friendly, it's totally prissy to refuse their nickname. But if they're someone you just know is doing it to score a point somehow, it's intolerable.
If they're someone you trust isn't trying to dominate you by creating fake familiarity, but is really just being friendly, it's totally prissy to refuse their nickname. But if they're someone you just know is doing it to score a point somehow, it's intolerable.
This message was edited 4/22/2018, 10:22 AM
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NT
This message was edited 4/22/2018, 2:53 PM
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To me, there is a difference between a silly nickname, and a shortened version of a full name that they just don't care for. When I posted, I was thinking more of the latter. Insisting on that when someone clearly doesn't like it is just plain weird.
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Isn't it sad, queenv, that when one considers an action to be endearing, and the person unto whom the action is committed, considers it offensive, implying "no means no"; well, actually, this is a strain of logic that it were better not carry on, if you know what I mean...
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I'm thinking of a real life example. I have a friend named James, and whenever anyone calls him Jim, he ignores them until they call him James, again. His father went by Jim, and he doesn't have the best relationship with his father, so he hates being called Jim. Unfortunately, a lot of people call him that without asking.
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